I am starting to not feel too good about things. I guess I just miss my husband so much. It is strange how things ended and it doesn't make sense to me. The night before he left he came to bed and held me all night. He even told me that he loved that night. The next morning I asked him to leave, because we had gotten in a fight and he packed up his stuff and left. He even cried with me before he left. That is why I don't understand why all of a sudden he doesn't love me anymore. Why can't he just love me? Am I that hard to love. Especially when my own husband, who made a vow and covenant to love me forever, can't love me?
Sometimes I just wish that I was dead so I wouldn't have to feel to pain of this heartbreak. I bet that is why alot of people start drinking when things like this happens in peoples lives. It numbs the pain for a while. I jsut wish there was something that I could take to numb the pain and make me forget that I love my husband so much. It's funny. About 3 years ago, I didn't love my husband and I left him. We were going to file for divorce and something miraculous happened. then he came back home a few days later. I prayed that God would make me love him like a wife should love her husband and almost over night my feelings for him changed and became stronger than ever. Even stronger than when we were dating before we got married. So now I am having a hard time getting over this and I don't want to pray that God makes me not love him. I don't want to stop loving him. I believe that God has been telling me that a miracle is going to happen again. Just in His time. I need patience right now. And my husband needs prayer.

PS. Just incase you guys are wondering. I don't call him my STBX because he hasn't even filed yet and I don't believe it is going to happen. At least I hope it is not going to be happening. He is still my husband and that is all.