So I just did something really stupid that just makes me upset. I have a way of getting information about my husband. I found out a few weeks ago about this girl that he has been talking to. He says they are just friends, but he also won't deny that they have slept together. If they are just friends they sure are flirty. I know that he likes her, but I am thinking that she does not feel the same. He apologized a little while ago about how he has hurt me, because he has been hurt by other girls. But that wasn't enough for him to come back to me.
Anyway, I hate not knowing what is going on with my husband. When we were together, I was an open book. I told him everything; how I was feeling, what I was thinking about, things that made me happy and sad. And he talked to me about his band. What a great relationship. He has never really opened up to me and he has been caught in lies, I guess that is why it is so hard for me to trust him and why I want to know about him.
He always says that I was too controlling, but I have a hard time understanding that, when all I wanted was for us to be "one" even though we had different lives. How is asking him to spend time with me being controlling? I got to the point that I was scared to ask him to do anything with me and our son, fearing that he would think I was being controlling. I just love being around hi; in his presence.
He says that after the divorce, he might be able to think about having a relationship with me, but sometimes I think that he is just saying that so I will give him the divorce without a fight. "If you can make it through this divorce with causing me problems, then it might show me that you really love me and then maybe we can talk about working on things." I just don't see how that makes any sense. With the domestic violence background that he would have no chance if I made an issue about it. But I haven't ever, Even when it first happened and continued to happen until he left. That should prove to him that I love him and want to work things out with him.
Anyway, I am jsut going on and on, probably because I am just upset now.
I just want him to love me. Knowing he doesn't is a hard blow at my self esteem, my personality and everything about me.
I pray everyday that he will come back soon. I believe that God will bring him back, I jsut need to patience and need to stop freaking out about things.
If you could all just please pray that angels will protect my husband from temptation, that would be great. Sometimes I am just tired of praying.
Thanks...
Until Next time.
Anyway, I hate not knowing what is going on with my husband. When we were together, I was an open book. I told him everything; how I was feeling, what I was thinking about, things that made me happy and sad. And he talked to me about his band. What a great relationship. He has never really opened up to me and he has been caught in lies, I guess that is why it is so hard for me to trust him and why I want to know about him.
He always says that I was too controlling, but I have a hard time understanding that, when all I wanted was for us to be "one" even though we had different lives. How is asking him to spend time with me being controlling? I got to the point that I was scared to ask him to do anything with me and our son, fearing that he would think I was being controlling. I just love being around hi; in his presence.
He says that after the divorce, he might be able to think about having a relationship with me, but sometimes I think that he is just saying that so I will give him the divorce without a fight. "If you can make it through this divorce with causing me problems, then it might show me that you really love me and then maybe we can talk about working on things." I just don't see how that makes any sense. With the domestic violence background that he would have no chance if I made an issue about it. But I haven't ever, Even when it first happened and continued to happen until he left. That should prove to him that I love him and want to work things out with him.
Anyway, I am jsut going on and on, probably because I am just upset now.
I just want him to love me. Knowing he doesn't is a hard blow at my self esteem, my personality and everything about me.
I pray everyday that he will come back soon. I believe that God will bring him back, I jsut need to patience and need to stop freaking out about things.
If you could all just please pray that angels will protect my husband from temptation, that would be great. Sometimes I am just tired of praying.
Thanks...
Until Next time.
Replies
Just read your journal. I know that exact feeling when I found out he cheated on me. I felt like crap, my self-esteem went out the window. The fact that I wasn\'t enough for him and he had to go find it somewhere else. But you know what, its not about us, it all them. They are the one with an issue. You deserve better. Hope you can relize that soon!! Sandra