Well, I guess last night was a turning point for me.  I lost all control and grabbed a knife and just started screaming I want to cut and I tried but deep inside I didn't. Then I just jabbed the knife on the table hitting it hard and saying I can't take it any more over and over until the knife broke.  My husband had the baby and I just ran to my room crying out loud for some help.  My husband took the kids to my sisters house and came back and told me I had two choices. Commit myself or he would have me committed.  My other sister came over and we went out and talked.  I have given everything to my marriage and had told my husband I needed help for weeks and no help. No talking. Nothing.  For over 16 years I have put up with no communication and no help or support from him.  Just neglect like I'm invisible or something.  We had separated before we had children and I wish so much we would have never gotten back together but he has this way.  I am a Christian and believe a marriage can be worked out if given over to God.  He does not see it that way.  He goes on his day to day life without me in it or so it seems.  After the kids were born I knew I didn't want to separate. I don't want to hurt the kids.  Now if I stay, they get hurt by seeing me lose control.  I have so much anger at myself and my husband, I just don't know what to do or where to go.  As you all know I have no job. I've been fired from past 3 jobs because of depression.  I was just in the hospital 4 months ago.  I don't want to go back.  I need help but no matter what I do help isn't there.  I just want to feel better.  I just want a job that I like to provide for my kids.  Please God help me.  I don't know if he can any more. Maybe He's just given up on me like everyone else.  I have no friends to call, except my sister and I don't even feel comfortable with her.  Its early because I couldn't sleep.  I know suicide isn't the answer. I've tried that many times and God won't even let me die.  I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.