I have felt sooooo depressed these past few days.  Its like I take 2 steps forward and 10 steps back.  The doctor wants me to go on a new mood stabilizer called Lamictal (don't know if spelling is right) but I told him I couldn't afford too. Doctors don't understand, they have money.  I just don't know what to do.  I have started selling some of my stuff on ebay to make a little extra money but my husband doesn't support me. He says its a waste of time. I am looking for a job but nothings there. I feel so fat and can't fit in my clothes. I feel ugly. I wish I could go back in time and change most of the decisions I made in my life and wonder if I'd be better off. My therapist says I need to be in church and make friends but it seems like everytime I make a new friend I end up doing something to offend or get too needy and they turn away from me.  I feel sooo alone. Sometimes I wish I could run away and just leave everything behind but I know I can't. I even feel no one cares on here. My life has been screwed up since day one. I don't even know why God put me here. If it weren't for my kids, I could end my life but they are my life even though I feel I can't even take care of them.  My husband had to take a day off from work last week and get them away from me or I was just gonna lose control.  My nerves are soooo bad I just can't handle things anymore.  What am I gonna do?