I'm not feeling to well today. I feel like such a failure. I have been fired from 3 jobs due to my depression/anxiety/migraines. I was fired from my last job the end of Jan. I have been looking for another job and have sent many resumes but haven't even heard from one. I have 2 kids and its so hard when you can't make bills and you want them to have cool stuff like their friends. My son's birthday is coming up then Easter then my daughter's birthday. I feel I can't provide for them. We can barely afford food and I feel like its all my fault. Sometimes I feel like my husband blames me because he doesn't understand my depression and why I can't go to work on some days. I feel so helpless. I'm scared of getting another job too. I feel like I'd just get fired from that one too. Fail again. Does anyone else feel like a failure? Any advice?
Replies
Belle, I often feel as you do. I know it\'s really, really tough to see yourself differently from the way others see you. Others like the employers who tell you that you don\'t measure up. But these people don\'t know you. You are not the person they see; you are not the person who fails to meet your employer\'s expectations; you are much, much more than that.
All those employers know is what they want in an employee, so if you get fired it\'s nothing personal. You just need to find a job that fits your skills and abilities. What is it you like to do? How about child care since you have two kids? Maybe you could find something part time. The place I work has two part time employees who work two days a week.
Reading your journal, I can see you write and spell well, which is a big plus given what I\'ve seen elsewhere on this site. You are articulate and in touch with your feelings, both great qualities. You have been supportive of me in a very helpful way and that is a valuable thing.
Not everything in this world comes down to money or a pay check. Einstein, arguably the smartest man in the world said, \"What can be counted often doesn\'t count, and what count\'s most can\'t always be counted.\" By that I think he meant that a person\'s soul, her capacity to love and be loved and to give to others can\'t be counted or measured, but matters so much more than things like money . . . In your journal entry I see a loving mother who wants what\'s best for her children. To me that is beautiful, laudable and more important than having a job or earning a paycheck.
My father worked hard and earned a very good living. He died at age 62 and left my mom an estate worth almost a million dollars. But he was never home. And when he was home he was either emotionally absent, angry or drunk. He criticised me, demeaned me and never spent any time with me or my brother. I never felt his love. It was a horrible experience. If it were up to me I\'d trade that million he left us when he died for his love and affection growing up. I\'d trade it in a minute and it wouldn\'t even be a hard decision. If my dad could read this I wonder how he would feel. Would he feel like a success or a failure? In my view he would have been a success if he had shown me his love, given me his time and attention, taught me how to play baseball, how to be comfortable with myself and how to be a good person. He didn\'t do those things and I\'ve had to struggle every day since.
Depression is a tough foe. But you are here at DS, you have given support and you have the support of others. I support you. I care for you. You are a valuable member of this community. In reaching out and telling your story, you have given me strength. I hope in some small way to have returned the favor. I will continue to support you for as long as it takes.
All the best.
Belle, I often feel as you do. I know it\'s really, really tough to see yourself differently from the way others see you. Others like the employers who tell you that you don\'t measure up. But these people don\'t know you. You are not the person they see; you are not the person who fails to meet your employer\'s expectations; you are much, much more than that.
All those employers know is what they want in an employee, so if you get fired it\'s nothing personal. You just need to find a job that fits your skills and abilities. What is it you like to do? How about child care since you have two kids? Maybe you could find something part time. The place I work has two part time employees who work two days a week.
Reading your journal, I can see you write and spell well, which is a big plus given what I\'ve seen elsewhere on this site. You are articulate and in touch with your feelings, both great qualities. You have been supportive of me in a very helpful way and that is a valuable thing.
Not everything in this world comes down to money or a pay check. Einstein, arguably the smartest man in the world said, \"What can be counted often doesn\'t count, and what count\'s most can\'t always be counted.\" By that I think he meant that a person\'s soul, her capacity to love and be loved and to give to others can\'t be counted or measured, but matters so much more than things like money . . . In your journal entry I see a loving mother who wants what\'s best for her children. To me that is beautiful, laudable and more important than having a job or earning a paycheck.
My father worked hard and earned a very good living. He died at age 62 and left my mom an estate worth almost a million dollars. But he was never home. And when he was home he was either emotionally absent, angry or drunk. He criticised me, demeaned me and never spent any time with me or my brother. I never felt his love. It was a horrible experience. If it were up to me I\'d trade that million he left us when he died for his love and affection growing up. I\'d trade it in a minute and it wouldn\'t even be a hard decision. If my dad could read this I wonder how he would feel. Would he feel like a success or a failure? In my view he would have been a success if he had shown me his love, given me his time and attention, taught me how to play baseball, how to be comfortable with myself and how to be a good person. He didn\'t do those things and I\'ve had to struggle every day since.
Depression is a tough foe. But you are here at DS, you have given support and you have the support of others. I support you. I care for you. You are a valuable member of this community. In reaching out and telling your story, you have given me strength. I hope in some small way to have returned the favor. I will continue to support you for as long as it takes.
All the best.