Today has not been a good day to say the least I just shattered the man I love heart. I lied to him. I did it to try to keep him from getting mad at me . NOT even an option.I shattered his trust. He pushed me away & I pushed back .. I made him hurt the way he made me hurt. However, I hurt him far worse then he hurt me. I\'m going to loose the best thing that\'s happened to me in years. All because I didn\'t want to tell him where I was. The fact that I lied to him I don\'t respect him enough to believe in our relationship & that I\'m sub concisely sabotaging us. WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING????????
HE\'S the best thing for me, he\'s the first person that has ever believed in me enough to be better, to be more than a mom .... To want more, to know I deserve more from people & myself.... WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?????????????????????
Then I hear that my own father has said things about me that he knows, that people have been and always have talking shit about me.. Really?? What the fuck did I do to them? I show up & help with the rafting yet that\'s not ok. Cuz I\'m not happy , I don\'t want to get over my dad \'s death & I idolize a piece of shit that allowed things to happen to me by not being the father he should have been. I understand I hurt him but why does he have to be like this and attack my dad & someone he doesn\'t know? Why has he been pushing me away & thinking it\'s okay ? HOW can it not hurt ?? So many fucking emotions so many hurts so many unanswered questions... So many fucking expectations of myself shattered all over my heart .. piercing pains, heaviness on the chest , Nausea . headache, tears, snot rolling down the nose.. I\'m a fucking mess!!!!!
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Today has not been a good day to say the least I just shattered the man I love heart. I lied to him. I did it to try to keep him from getting mad at me . NOT even an option.I shattered his trust. He pushed me away & I pushed back .. I made him hurt the way he made me hurt. However, I hurt him far worse then he hurt me. I\'m going to loose the best thing that\'s happened to me in years. All because I didn\'t want to tell him where I was. The fact that I lied to him I don\'t respect him enough to believe in our relationship & that I\'m sub concisely sabotaging us. WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING????????
HE\'S the best thing for me, he\'s the first person that has ever believed in me enough to be better, to be more than a mom .... To want more, to know I deserve more from people & myself.... WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?????????????????????
Then I hear that my own father has said things about me that he knows, that people have been and always have talking shit about me.. Really?? What the fuck did I do to them? I show up & help with the rafting yet that\'s not ok. Cuz I\'m not happy , I don\'t want to get over my dad \'s death & I idolize a piece of shit that allowed things to happen to me by not being the father he should have been. I understand I hurt him but why does he have to be like this and attack my dad & someone he doesn\'t know? Why has he been pushing me away & thinking it\'s okay ? HOW can it not hurt ?? So many fucking emotions so many hurts so many unanswered questions... So many fucking expectations of myself shattered all over my heart .. piercing pains, heaviness on the chest , Nausea . headache, tears, snot rolling down the nose.. I\'m a fucking mess!!!!!