Sunday

Well went to church, (which I found really boring today!) and I'm very angry with myself for not smiling or even looking at him! It is like my mind and body want to do two different things! Sometimes I wish I could release myself, so that I could go out into the world and live my life as I have wished it to be. Because I truly feel I am trapped in a cage at the moment, my body is a prison and there is no way out. And not knowing for sure if he really cares kills me! I just want to run to him sometimes and proclaim it, just so I can at least say to myself "I've finally said it!" but it is never that easy, and no matter how much I wish it were, it won't happen.I really wish I had his email, or cell phone number! I just really need to talk to him in some sort of way!