Tuesday, February 26, 2008
A friend of mine asked me this question today and instead of responding to her directly I thought I would write here so all could see. My friend wrote:I'd like to know at least one thing good that has come from your loss or challenge you are facing.It was hot day in summer the weather was shining, it was sunday morning, and I was at church praising GOD and praying for my husband, who was in the hospital. June 11, 2006 I will remember that day like it was yesterday, every detail of the moment when I learned he went home to live in heaven. As I write this down my spine still shivers. And I wander what my fingers are going to type. I became a widdow and I no longer was Harry's wife. I now was a single mom to raise my son. The first few months, of the loss I hung onto the fact that he was in heaven no more pain, but I walked around dazed and confused. I still have days like that. So today I look at the question, what good came out of this walk of grief. So many changes have happened to me in the last year half. Good or bad they were designed by the Lord. 1. I have to say God taught me how to cry, how to weep, Now how many times did you hear me say I want to stop crying(don't answer) I now realize that crying is good it does let out emotions that would be locked away. Jesus wept for others. 2. GOd has made me be more compassionate to others who lost a loved one. I don't now how I felt before but now I have this yearning to go help others when I hear that they lost someone. I want to be like the ambulance driver and be right there to fix them. 3. GOd taught me what grief is, and will always be.4. God taught me that we are allowed to grieve. And it is ok to grieve. 5. I believe I am stronger emotionally, now, I also realize how time is a precious thing that we should not waste it. I also have realized my husband was a huge part of my life that I didn't appreciate all that he did. I also am more willing now to thank anyone who helps me in any way. I want them to know how grateful I am for them. 6. i have drawn closer to GOd during this time, because i realize that I don't have the strength to do it on my own. So I must rely on him7. Laughter is a good thing and we need to do it. We can not close our eyes to the fun that awaits us.8. I feel the Lord changing me and it is so incredible, He loves us and wants us to turn to him in our time of need. I learned that I can't do it on my own. God loved me enough and sent his son to die, for me to be forgiven. WHat sacrafice do I give my Lord. 9. I have learned to allow to recieve things from others. I was always a giver, and had a hard time recieving. How sweet it is that I am learning to recieve finally at age 40.10. The last thing that I can say in this walk of grief, is I have realized that we will all take on different roads. We will all see new things, and be new things. God loves me and is here for me. He is changing me for his purpose and plan in my life. If I was asked would I turn back the clock. Of course I would say yes give me one more moment with my husband. But I have learned so much. I can't express, how much. But I know that God is moving me to a new life, and he is my guide.I would never have made it this far with out my friends, here at ds. Thanks so much for your encouragement love and caring along this journey with me.
Replies
What a well thought out answer, now realizing I missed a few. I started a grief journal when I lost Sarah bc I KNEW she would only be one of many losses to come. I now have this site to help me too. I dont feel like Im grieving anymore, I just see this as a site to keep me on my toes and focus because I have had a bad season of grief and I want this next year to be the best one yet, so I will put my best foot forward and use it all as God\'s witness and be stronger because of it. I yearn for a baby at times, but then I think 10 years from now I could be a Grandma...so I can wait to hold a precious baby again that has blood of my family....and can send home with mommy and daddy. I am just so tired I cant imagine my life with a 5th child considering I sorta alreay have one....Matt had xrays today and he pulled his groin, so time for him to really take it easy and become a couch potato, how you took care of him for so long, maybe you should do home health care? You are a very caring nurturing person, and we are both young enough to start anything new. I like to see you bubbly about life. Just be careful not to come crashing down to the quicksand. I try to stay even but Im a very enthusastic person. I always look so forward to your messages, last week you really helped me in a tough situation. Hubby is humbled by what happened (and on his toes....) LOL...I deserve all my blessings from God and I too am a giver but if someone would offer, I think I might take them up on anythting. I learned that people can be horrible disapointing, even the homeschooling moms were too busy to even acknowledge my loss or lend a hand, and that hurt, but we learn what a true friend does and I helped my friend Browneyestarshine get through
a very difficult separation......I have her back now and we both are grateful for eachother. Its nice to have at least ONE friend, now to get her to come to God\'s team......
Well done Eileen! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your answer to your friends question. It all makes so much sense.
It must have been difficult to write but comforting as well I would assume.
Good for you!
Thinking of you
Samantha
What a beautiful journal, I would say that most of what has happened to you has happened to me. I have become more patient and no longer worry about \"stuff\" (money,possessions). Thanks for getting me to think.
you have put alot of thought and time into this and that\'s a great answer!
God bless~
Eileen,as always a beautiful well thought out journal that touches my heart.
you\'ve made me cry with this journal entry from the heart. very beautiful and moving.
Eileen, that was a beautiful journal. I guess the only good that came out of this for me is I have gotten closer to THE LORD, and I depend on him more.But other than that I couldn\'t say.I don\'t feel good about anything, I don\'t know if I will ever laugh again or feel whole. I\'m just so empty inside. God Bless----