Merry ChristmasToday is a day to rejoice in the Lord. I write this journal to reflect on a few things that have been going on in my little brain. It may be long or it may be short. But it will be what ever comes down from the brain. First of all I think back to last year at this time, It was my first christmas with out my husband. God made sure that I was blessed over and over again. He had people around. And gifts to remind me that I was loved. Even know Harry was gone. And now I was a widdow. A word that is still hard for me to say. I am his wife, and I wander if I will ever be able to say widdow. But back to last christmas, I spent the day in bed, didn't want to see the world. Didn't want to deal with any one or anybody. my son and I ate hot dogs and beans for Christmas dinner because I had no energy to cook. But he enjoyed it. So I say if this is the first for you. Only do what you can do. It is a time when is needed for you to do what you want to do. You are what matters.I think back to how Harry made Christmas special. He hated keeping surprises, and loved to give gifts. When I came into the family I was the first one to buy gifts and not throw the money at the kids. They still laugh at that. But I know they appreciate it. Harry did all the shopping. he even got up on black friday at 3am to get Matt that special toy. Matt never wanted for nothen. On christmas eve the first few years that Matt was alive, Harry and his son stayed up all night putting gifts together. And building the times. Of course they didn't read the directions first. It is so amazing to think about all that he did. We were so into the season. How I wish he was here today to share today with me. Even if we slept in the afternoon, to take a nap it was special. he pushed himself pain and all to help us have a great christmas. One christmas, matt opened his gifts and then Harry looked at me and said I need to go to the er and we spent the rest of the day in the er because he was out of medicine and was in pain. He had to go get a morphine iv. Then there was the christmas his last he spent in the nursing home. We went and sat with him, and opened our gifts there. He was I am out of here by new years. I will be home. And he was because he was so stubborn. I wish I would have known that was going to be our last christmas together. I would of held him and never let go. I would have had him come home. I would have been his nurse. I just didn't think I could handle it. I can't have regrets on that but I can smile because he shared that day with us he stayed awake, and Matt was happy to be there with his dad. We had 14 christmas together. The first one he gave me a ring with a rubie, he knew that I was the one even if I didn't. He made sure I ate and even made me leave work for an hour on christmas day to be with his family. He knew that one day I would be with this family. Each christmas season was filled with love, he worked so hard to please everyone. I rember he searched, and searched for my neices first jewlery box that was wooden with red velvet. Carved and designed. Just for her. Well, he did so much that I could go on and on. He was the greatest. Ok now I want to tell you about the special gift that GOd gave us. That is christ. As we celebrate Christmas, let us not forget that Christ is the special gift. A gift that we can have freely. I wander what it was like giving birth in a manager. I wander what it was like to be ignored by others, to smell the animals. But look the GOd spoke to the shepards. And to the kings a few years later. A savior was born on that first christmas morn. What if Christ was never born???The world would have no hope. No peace. We were separated from GOd due to our sin. Christ was born and died so we could be saved. SO there would be hope. That birth changed, everything for us. We no longer had to cry and be separated from GOd. Many people reject the Lord. The Lord born in the hay for me. I surely did not deserve for the KING OF KINGS to be born there. But he came as infant and grew. And died for nothen he had done. He died for all that I did and all that will do. As the commercialism of today and the man in the big red suit gets all the credit for this holiday. I can't do that. I must say that little child was for you because HE Loved you. There would be no Christmas if Christ was not born. It would not exist. He is the truth, life and the way. If you don't know him or if you are away from him today. Call upon his name and you shall be saved. He wants to be there for you. We all have different reasons why we came to DS. I know that GOd brought me to DS. GOd wants us to turn to him. He is the rock. Rocks are planted and some huge bolders can't be moved. Well Christ is the ROck and he will not move from his children. He was born for me and for you. I just look at christmas as a reminder of that love GOd has for me. When I look at the tree, The tree represent life. Christ is living He is a living savior,. The lights on the tree are reflection that Christ will be your light in this darkness that we walk. SOme of us are in true pain, whether that be heart ache or physical pain. Christ wants to light a light around us. And although no snow lies on the field today. I see a blue sky and the sun shining. God has given me his warmth through sunshine. A reminder he is here. He loves me. As the tears roll down my face, because I feel so undeserving of this. But that first christmas gift was the best. Christ now gives me hope and a future. This is the celbration, so we need to rejoice in our savior. May you all have peace. And may God bless you as much as he has blessed me. Christmas blessings is my prayer for each and everyone of you!!!
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This was truely one of the most touching journal entries that I have ever read and I cried reading it. Thank you for sharing such special memories with me. I am glad that you were able to spend this Christmas out of bed. I am greatful to the Lord for helping you through these times and for Him guiding you here to this site. You are a very good friend and a deserving person. As I read this entry it reminded me of the two old ladies I met on my trip back from Arizona. They were in their 60s-70s and I met both in an hour period of time. They both had lost their husbands and both had decided that staying in bed was not for them. That staying alone and sad and couped up was not the way to honor the lives of their husbands. They got out, both of them, and decided to travel the country. They did not know each other and they both met me like I said within an hour of each other and decided they would share their lives with me. I don\'t know why they did. Perhaps they needed someone to share with their sorrows and journeys.. but I am glad they did. Christmas is a wonderful time of year. It is full of promise and hope and I thanked God this Christmas for those in my life and for all that this world has to offer. I am glad that someone else, too, was greatful to God for our lives. For the Promise. My prayers are with you tonight and I love you. Marcy