Happy Friday!!!!.A friend asked me a question today and it really through me for a loop. I guess because I haven't really thought about it. Each day we rise and each night we lay down. (Notice I did not sleep) Because I still struggle with sleepless nights. What is 8 hours of sleep anyway. But I notice when I heard this question I never wrote in my journal the answer. Maybe it is because I really didn't know how I want to say it or if it was really important. But then I said to myself, it is important because the process of grief. Is a timely matter it is not one I expected to go through. I mean here I was a caregiver, mother, and wife, and of course Mrs. Volunteer. All that changed the meaning of life would never be the same. I never thought Harry would be gone. I never thought my mom would die. And then my grandparents, and grandmother. Then my friends started to die. One a week before Harry and one 8 months after Harry. And then just last month that young boy Michael. So death and loss are apart of life. I knew that. i think you find that out as a young child when the gold fish dies the day you won it at the fair.So I guess you are wandering where is Eileen going with this. I really don't know the babbling queen is typing away and doesn't know what is coming out next. THe question of the day How do you deal with it???1. I go to God daily in prayer, I cry out to him and ask to help me get through this day.2. I don't run by this process I walk small steps. And sometimes I have to stop along the way and learn. I did try to run a few times but I fell right on my face and hid in the bed.3. I cry and cry and cry. Yes, I do cry, and if people think I should be over it. Ha, they don't have to walk in my shoes. And that is ok, because they are my shoes. So I will cry.4. I allow myself to feel the anger 5. I read books on others stories that who have walked this walk.GOd placed "Praying GOodbyes" in my hands and that was a huge help in this journey6. I journal Let it all out. Write write write. Write to the one you loss tell them what ever is in your heart. Write to the one who hurt you. Remember you do not have to share with anyone what you have wrote, it is for you. This is something I have to remember.7. I talk to others.8. I no longer hide behind the mask, This was a hard thing for me. I hid what was going on for so long that I really didn't see what was happening. I didn't want to tell others I was HORRIBLE!!!! this led to health problems and depression and panic attacks. 9. Be good to yourself. Make sure you take time out for you. You know that old saying "me TIme". 10. Trust in the Lord, I may get through one day.These are just a few of how I get by day by day. It is not easy a roller coaster ride. That doesn't stop. Being not a fan of roller coaster. I am not a big fan of this journey. Someday, maybe I will understand it all. But I think these 10 will help me no matter what road I am on. If any of you have more to add to the list please comment. I know that your steps might help me.
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Thanks for being such an inspiration. I don\'t think I would be able to handle things as well as you do. I am going to take your ten steps to heart and try them. Trusting in the Lord in hard. My faith is struggling but I can see that it gets you through each day. So here goes Eileen, today I will pray to God. I will try to make a practice of it. I always talk to my mom so why not God?
also fill in the blanks. the world is full of friends we haven\'t met yet.
some of those friends are animals, waiting for us to find them in the street. some are in a newspaper or at a humane society.
some are people with similar interests.
the second half of living seems to be facing death, like you, many people i know have died. but like my family pointed out, people were always dying that i knew, people\'s parents etc., but being young you don\'t really digest it. on part II of life, you DO digest it. Part II seems to be learning to fill in the blanks that person who died left, with someone or something else. Part II also seems to be about finding missions. opening a charity of some sort. becoming a rescue of some sort. really living for the world to make it a better place, instead of just for ourselves. some people open or join charites that pertain to interests of people who they knew who died, or at least begin giving to those charities. Part II is a totally different path than part I. its bigger, and broader and affects a larger sector.
HI Eileen, Well I just read your journal and all I can say is \"You go girl!!!\" Thank you Jesus ...for touching Eileen and opening her eyes to the beautiful butterfly she already is and she doesn\'t even realize it, the change she has made and is continuing to make as she takes each unsure step with You.... and in Your direction. My heart will always ache for my mother but I do know with everything that is in me that \"Joy Comes in the morning\" Praise Jesus I trust Him with what is left of my life. I will follow where He leads me. , and I am sure we will be hand in hand someday in Glory worshiping Our Lord and Savior along with our moms and grandparents, and Harry and Micheal and Don a dear friend who just passed last week and so many others. You lift my spirit , isn\'t it wonderful the height and width and depth of the love of Christ Jesus for Us, it is The Peace that passes all understanding, and He give it freely to those who believe and trust in Him. May God hold you in the palm of His hand until we meet again. YOur friend, Nancy
Thank you for posting this journalling. It helps - sometimes I find from the time I wake up that I just can\'t think - and I have no clue how to struggle/get through/take the first tiny step through the day. Bon
Im just peeking in here, It\'s nice that you have Great Faith in the lord, and Im glad that it is helping you get through your pain and sorrow,.I don\'t have such faith in the lord right at the moment,although I know it does help, I to ask the questions and feel as you do,so maybe that\'s what I need is that faith, but I think it\'s going to be harder to regain this time.