Missing Harry so much!!!!!!!Hey do you ever wander if the missing part will end. I mean I don't want to sound negative or anything. But it really stinks. I wish I could pick up the phone right now and call him. I know he would be a sleep, due to the pain medicine probally would have just kicked in. But instead here I am on DS. Saying I miss him. We might never know the what if, why's. Questions that really don't need to be answered when you look at the situation. I just need to get away from everything. And I can't I want to get on jet plane and go. Not looking back. I have no money to go away. I don't even have the money for rent this month. But God will provide. Not going to worry about that. Can't worry about money. It is the root of evil. And I won't let the devil win that on me. I have to go visiting tonight. Even know I just want to climb right in bed when I get home. Oh yes, that bed does sound like a nice reward. But GOd has other plans for me. WHo knows what will happen when I knock on those doors tonight. If I don't do it tonight I know I won't do it. SO i am doing it. No matter what the enemy thinks. Sometimes I look at my life. And it is like I am looking from the outside. I can't believe all that is happening. And I don't have my self confidence back. I second guess every decision. Except for work. I am right there I make tons of decisions, fight with venders, invest money, deal with customers, and have no problem. But the minute I get in my car to go home I freak. I even second guess the route I should take. I wander how I did it all before, mother, wife, and Mrs. Volunteer. Don't know what happen to that girl, I guess she died in June of 2006. There has to be something better than this. And that is all I can say. I am not saying that I am so bad today that I am crying in a ball and can't seem to function. What I am saying is:1. God is here no matter what2. We are a new creature, something like a cattipillar turning into butterfly.3. We are not alone, because GOd is here4. Grief can change so much in our environment. But it doesn't have to control who we are.5. Questions can be answered when we want or we may have to wait.6. My strength only comes from The Heavenly Father above. 13 years ago I asked GOd to come into my life. I realized I was a sinner. Oh yes, we are all sinners, no one is perfect, we all make mistakes, GOd gives us roads to take, and it is our choice to take that road. But on Calvary Christ died for us, so we would not have to worry about those sins. It was the power of the blood that set us free. But most of all it is a free gift. I don't have to work to be good, I don't have to do good things to have a relationship with God or for my mistakes to forgiven. For god is merciful, and the blood will wash the sins away. So when I called on the Lord that Cold Jan. day to wash away my sins. GOd gave me the gift and the hope of eternal life. No need to worry for God is preparing my mansion in heaven for me some day. And that is where my dear Harry is dancing on the streets of GOld. Till we see each other again. Oh what an awesome thing to think about. But as I reflect on God's goodness to me. I Know somehow I am like the catipillar all closed up in the cacoon. Waiting for the opening. I may ask for the butterfly to come out today and be transformed. But it is not time. I still need to grow. And waiting can seem so hard. But it is what we must all do. for Beauty doesn't happen over night. And that is what I want to be when I come out of this cacoon.
Replies
Wished I had a cleaver response to all of it I hear you dearest, I am so sorry grief makes us all feel crazy a wise woman once told me ;) Im praying you find rest and peace please be good to you today especially on these days love to and with you Rene
my first husband died in 1993 and i still think of him on a regular basis. i always wonder what he would do in various situations, or think he\'d handle certain things better. in that way, its never stopped. i\'m not sure its supposed to either, though its annoying to my second husband for many reasons.
The thinking of them will always be there.. but we have to think of it as a positive thing to help us goone with our lives..they will alwys be with us to guide us, our guardian angels... HUGs.. hope you feel better.. soon..