Ok I am back. Now lets all think of one positive thing today. A positive thing can be any thing you accomplished. Or the special things you have recieved. Darkness seems to be at every turn in grief. And we wander will we ever see the light. Suddenly a friend sends you a hug, or gives you a word of encouragement or sometimes it will be a small gift, or a little dinner. I know that it is those times that God is shining his light on me saying look there is the light follow it and you will get out of this tunnel for sure. It seems like yesterday but seems likes forever that Harry was taken from me. What a statement is that. I mean lets face facts over a year and you think I wouldn't miss him as much as I do. I wander what Harry would say now if he knew there were days I just sit and cry. He never liked to see me cry. If I cried he felt like a failure. And then there was those times when he made me cry because of the pain. Pain changes a person. And my heart is torn when I see someone in pain. Chronic pain is not understood in this society. It is misrepresented by the medical proffessions and by the government. If you haven't lost a limb or have some thing visiable to eye. You have to fight for the explanation of why you can't do something. It is so unfair. That sometimes when I think about it, I am frighten for those who fight it. I hate pain. Any type of pain. But God says"My grace is sufficent enough for you." Then why should I complain. No reason just to be heard. Have you ever just babbled to seee if someone was listening. Oh how the world just hears what they want to hear. I mean come on how many people really want to know how I am today. IF I told them would they hear me or just say "OH" and move onto the weather. It just seems like a revovling door that you can't get inside the building. I am so thankful that I am changing. And the light comes closer. But what I wouldn't give for that one more day. He has given me so much. I was looking at my son last night. And was amazed to see he looked just like his dad watching TV. He had the same facial expression. Or at least that is what I saw. I thank the Lord I have him in my life. Can't imagine life with out him too.Well, so I am widdow, a single mom, and Have no clue which day it is or where I am going. God is my strength. If I didn't know that before this walk in grief I know it now. To my ds friends thanks for being here for me.