Lonliness, Is what we feel, and we just don't know if we will ever get out of the pit of Lonliness. That is what I am feeling today. Not to complain, for the Iseralites complained and God still provided them with food and water. Walking in a desert oh how that must have felt. Just going on the way saying I know we will one day reach the promise land. God has given us hope through Christ. By his grace we are saved. It is not the things on earth that should satisfy us but eternal things. Then why do I look around and feel so discontent with the things that are here and why now. At such a young age. I am here alone with out a husband. Some to guide me, someone to hold me, someone to listen to me, someone to care, someone to kiss me. Gone with a flash of second and that is what happened. I went to church on that normal Sunday to find out when I got home I would no longer have my husband. But he would be on the streets of Gold. Celebrating and Rejoicing, nolonger in pain. Today I miss him. I miss his smell and his touch. I even miss how he screamed in pain. I believe that it is ok to miss someone. Think of how many places Jesus went while he was here on earth. How many places he went how many people he met. He had to leave them and move on to tell others. I believe he probally missed some of them too. Lets face facts when you are in love with someone and they go, you miss them with all that you are. I wander why today I feel like I am a lonely old girl. I wander if GOd has a plan for me to love again. To be held again. It is not easy not having your husband lying there next to you at night. maybe that is why I struggle with sleepless nights. I wander if I will ever be able to share myself with someone. I don't want to even search. With the way the world is right now. And I am ok with that. Because I see how God is changing me and showing me things that I would never have known if I didn't walk this grief. Although lonliness captures my soul, I know deep in my soul Christ lives. If the spirit lives in me. I can allow HIM to work in me. Does all that make sense. As a butterfly flies away off into the garden, may I spread my wings and learn contentment in being by myself.
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Hi Eileen, Your journal starts in despair but you end it with hope. You are in my thoughts and prayers. For what it is worth my husband sleeps in a recliner chair one floor beneath me. I have slept by myself for about 10 years now. I have learned to cope and I even look forward to my time in bed alone...I enjoy that time talking to My Lord. The Lord is always right there with me and He really does hold me and guide me and wrap His arms around me and I actually crawl up into His arm and go to sleep in peace knowing He WILL take care of me. I know it isn\'t the same for me because I have my husband still but I haven\'t had all the things you talk about for about 10 years. My situation is a little different, as we all have our own cross to bear. When my husband retired (he was a police detective who worked undercover too) for 33 years. He killed a bad guy around the time he retired and it really did something to him. He had to kill or be killed he was called at the age of 10 years old to be a cop. He wanted it more than anything and he was one of the best there ever was. Taking that mans life did something to him as a christian BUT God is faithful and just and we are more in love now than we ever were. The Lord used him and still does to touch peoples lives. Life is an adventure and if we can believe there is a purpose it makes everything worthwhile. I don\'t know what it is like to loose my mate so I don\'t presume to understand how you feel I just felt like sharing that with you and I hope that somehow it helps. You are in my prayers, Your friend, Nancy
I feel the same way you do about the loneliness. Your messages are always so inspiring to me. Your faith comes across and it is so helpful to me. Thank you. You are not alone.