It wasn't a good night last night. I finally got up from the couch and went for a walk. I wanted to get out before the volcano exploded in my head. I walked a mile and my legs are feeling it today. I just spent time with God pleaing for him to take this all away. And yes, I did ask why???? Why have I changed to something I am not happy with. I really hate what I have become. Was my husband the missing link of what I was. And now that he is gone I am this blob. Oh I hate it. I don't look forward to anything. And wander why am I left to deal with all that I have to deal with. I hate it. I have no energy to do anything after I leave work. I feel like a failure with my son!!!!!!!! We use to have this amazing relationship, and now I am not sure if I can be the mom he deserves. I am so happy that he has his friends and activities. But sometimes when I look at him I feel so distance. I wander if he feels the same. This week is his vbs. And he is not really sure if he wants to be there. He is excited for there is friends from school going that he hasn't seen in two months. And he met a new kid. Which is a good thing. This is his last year being a student in vbs. Next year he and one his friends will be working in the drama. They are so excited