What a day I had today. Woke up to fire trucks in front of my house. Six houses down, at 4am the fire went through the top floor of house. Now these neighbors have been my neighbors since I was a little girl. So naturally my heart is sick, for them. They lost their dog, which was their best friend. The older women sits in the hospital tonight, for her chest hurts. I assume from all the smoke. But  what really broke my heart was when I saw her childern ride by with their children, A lifetime of memories up in smoke. We cleaned today and a friend from church stopped by for dinner. It was a nice time. And I really hope we do it again soon.But after she left I sat around staring at this house. And missing Harry so much. I want to skip Monday and am dreading the day so much. maybe it is because I don't know what to expect. I want to cry. But the tears won't come. I even pulled out the tape of when he gave his testimony back on May 7,2006. Right before he was baptized. As I sat there listening, I heard him say "this is the last thing I must do, for God has plan for me even know I am crippled." As these words ring in my head, Oh if I had only known in month time he would be heaven. He would be gone, from me and my world. The last 13 years have not been easy, yet they have not been all sad ones. 15 surgeries later, he was still my husband. But now I am alone. I hate it, Hate it, hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Ok, yes I am feeling horrible. but what do I do to change all this. How do I ever become of healthy, happy again. I love who I am. Don't get me wrong. I feel the healing in my heart. But I wander if this week will ever be the same. My friend died 8 days before Harry. And tonight her mother and I just sat there talking about her on my steps. It was a sad moment. I know she misses her daughter. She lost her husband at 50 and now her daughter. I just can't imagine. But she is so strong. I love her like an aunt. They have been in my life since the day I was born. So missing Harry and missing Jeannee, the grief for two, is a burden I just don't know how to spell relief.  Tick tick tock tick tock, the clock is ticking, and I am running, down the wooded trail,. Trees on one side, Flowers on the other. The path is a dirt path. Filled with quiet, and stillness on the path. I am the only one on this wooded trail. Tick tock tick tock. The clock is racing, my steps are going faster. my eyes scan ahead. One side is dark, the other is light, and in front of me is shadows. Shadows of the trees. The crickets are chirping the deer are standing still. And I still walk and walk the trail. Not scared, not shy, Not happy nor sad, filled with anticipation, of what is at the end of the trail. The clock is running, and I wish it would stop, for just one moment. So answers would be answered, and time would heal this broken heart. As you can all see It is one of those nights. It is ok, and I will be ok, I am just in one of those moods. Good night to all and have a wonderful day tomorrow.