Feeling pretty good. But reflecting on the last year. I have been really in a fog......My brain has been half functioning, wich is just one of those things I guess. Now that I am feeling better, I am ready to move on and start getting in gear. Along, with getting healthier. I plan on cleaning house, I am going to skip my traditional vacation and redo each room. Even if it is only paint. I will be doing this myself. Which is a first for me. But I am going to take small steps. And what ever happens happens. I am still committed to serving my Lord. So please pray that I will not get distracted with the house duties, on serving Him. I felt like a fool, I called one of my doctors to discuss a complete physical and he said, that I wasn't due. Well I completely couldn't believe it. I remember my doctor calling me and forcing me to come see him, but I felt that it was right after Harry died, it turned out it was only in March. When he told me not worry. But to loose the weight, he and I discuss every time I see him. I just can't believe how I lost the whole year. Now I wasn't one for just lying in bed, but truely thought I was functioning. HAHA I guess I wasn't functioning on all cylnders. And now I have a ton of stuff to recapture. Starting with my son. Maybe he too has been neglected this year. We had an awesome night last night. Even know his team didn't win the lacrosse playoffs, and his coach was creap and only played 9 kids the whole game, while the rest of the 20 sat the bench. And he wanders why they were tired. I can't wait to get home and see him. And ask him how his day went the whole 6 grade was going on a picnic. Where they could go swimming, canoeing, horseback riding. I can't wait to hear how it went. I am sure there will be a story on some girl. Even know I am not to crazy about the girls and him yet. He knows the rules, and with 400 kids together, wander what kind of trouble can they get into.My sister in law is also coming in for a visit in two weeks, I can't wait to see her. She and I are going to go down get the grave in order. It is about time don't you think.\I have to come up with some kinda of game plan of all the stuff that needs to be done. The question that comes into play is where do I begin. Maybe the easiest thing to do is just draw up a list in each room of what needs to be done.I never had self doubt until my husband died. And I hate asking people to help me, and I hate when people try and do stuff for me. It is a flaw in my personality. I really am going to try and change that. For GOD is so good, and he has surrounded me with people who truely love me. I second guess myself on everything, but never fully complete the first assignment. does that make sense. now when Harry was alive, I was president of this, corridator of this, leader of that, teacher, on the board, etc. and was a full time care giver. And it was all in line. Now I have sink full of dishes and I really don't care. Is that a form of laziness that has developled. God is my strength!!! As I said before, and when we are bitter and anger, we can't see the goodness in front of our eyes. We are blinded and decieve ourselves that it is something different than what is truely there. Hey, although I never felt anger, I surely felt depression and lonliness that left me in spin down hill. Thank GOd he caught me and now is beginning to lift me up. So I am not saying we cause all these emotions, and situations on ourselves. We do however blind ourselves from the love that is here and now. I pray that the Lord will help me see the love, and walk through the garden, knowing my Lord and savior is loving and only wants me to mold me into his likeness. pray to the Lord and ask him to show his love to you. He will not leave you and wants you to know him.