so sad today, wish the day was over. And that the happiness was here. Don't know what to do? I am feeling so lost and so uncontrolable. Why??? I really do hate this month. I wish it was over and it is only the fourth. What happen to last week, when I was jumping up and filled with so much joy. I know I woke up this morning, feeling the same old lump in my throat. And couldn't stay in bed. I hate being a hyprocrite. I hate living through all this. And all I want to do is hide from everyone until I am able to be happy each and every day. 7 more days until the first aniv. Oh boy, isn't that exciting.