Getting ready to go to a picnic at church. SO I thought I would write about a picnic my husband and I shared many years ago. It was 1994, and my company was family having a picnic, down in Maryland. Well being 8 months pregnant. I did not want to go. But my husband wanted us to go. He said, it will be fun. You can relax at the park. SO we drove the two hours. It was nice. We laughed and laughed. And I remember he cator to my every need. It was so nice. (this was before the accident_) He just wanted to love me, all he could. I remember my friend took a picture of the two of us. It was his favorite. He kept it at his bedside all the rest of his days. He said, it reminded him that we were in true love that day, and had no worries, no stress, and were waiting the arrival of our son. That time seems so far away, the accident changed our life. Changed who he was. I cried, so many nights because I wanted the old Harry back. I wanted the man who went to the picnic with me that day. But being injured just killed, who he was. He would never be able to lift again, never be able to run, walk more than 3 feet, dance, work. It killed him emotionaly. These last few days I have been thinking about how miserable and hateful and bitter he was. It broke my heart to see him like that. It didn't stop me, because I knew God wanted me to be with him, that somehow God would be glorified through that situation. I just didn't know how God was going to use it. I guess, being in the all that pain would make you crazy. I forgave him the lashes that went out, because it wasn't the Harry I knew he could be. I don't know why I am thinking these thoughts. I know that they need to get out. It wasn't always great being married. But I guess every marriage takes work. With the injury it just was and added, thing. I am still trying to adjust to not being a care giver. With added time you would think you would get things done. HA HA I am just thinking of all the times. Trying to go through the whole marriage thing. He was my love, He loved me and He provided for me. Now I must see GOd's love and let God do all the providing. Oh boy, sometimes that is so hard.