I came to this sight, when I felt so lost. Out of control, and spinning. My husband left me 18 years to early Or maybe a million years. But years that I thought I would have and now I don't so. For the last 10 months I have been trying to make sense, get use to the roller coaster and heal my broken heart. Of course I have a broken heart. I lost my husband. Now I am alone, raising our son alone. I still can't seem to get anything in order. The house always looks disorganized. And I want to throw everything out. I can't go through his stuff. I can't find anything I need. I can't even get stuff together to send to the lawyer. Each week I say I will do it and then I can't. Iam so mad at the lawyer I can spit nails. but I am not going there at this moment. This site has been such an encouragement to me. I know this is where God wanted me to start my grieving process. I miss my husband more than words can describe and I loved him more than anything. And yet before he died I didn't expect to be feeling all these feelings that I am. I just thought it would be different. That I would be stronger. I picture the blue in his eyes. The pain he walked in day in day out. I can't imagine the pain. And now that I have pain, I really don't know how he did everything he did. But he did because he loved me.
My son would say, "My dad was his biggest fan." my husband loved watching him play his sports. He was so proud of him. He never missed a football practice, and he only missed games due to the fact he was in the hospital. My son is an awesome football player. And he has instinct behind measure. If my husband was here now he would love watching Matt's new love lacrosse. And yes, Matt would have all the equipment that he desires for that sport. My husband would have seen to that. That is one thing I can say, Harry sacrafice to make sure we had our desires. Which now I do the best I can. My son believes GOD will have him play in the NFL one day. I just have to laugh, and say if it is the Lord's will. But I know my husband put that in his brain. Now on some days we feel excellent and others we just feel down. But we can't know when the good days or the bad days are coming. we Just need to walk through them.
My son would say, "My dad was his biggest fan." my husband loved watching him play his sports. He was so proud of him. He never missed a football practice, and he only missed games due to the fact he was in the hospital. My son is an awesome football player. And he has instinct behind measure. If my husband was here now he would love watching Matt's new love lacrosse. And yes, Matt would have all the equipment that he desires for that sport. My husband would have seen to that. That is one thing I can say, Harry sacrafice to make sure we had our desires. Which now I do the best I can. My son believes GOD will have him play in the NFL one day. I just have to laugh, and say if it is the Lord's will. But I know my husband put that in his brain. Now on some days we feel excellent and others we just feel down. But we can't know when the good days or the bad days are coming. we Just need to walk through them.
Replies
Sounds like you\'re having a \'low\' day today. I wish we had more CONTROL over how we felt! I pray that you will have a good night\'s rest and that you\'ll wake up with strength renewed and a song in your heart. Thinking of you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my mom but I know it isn\'t the same as loosing your husband. My loss of mama hurts so deep inside . If I can give you a tip on how to go thru all the stuff you have to go thru start in one part of the room pick the desk or dresser and deal with only that part of the room or that part of the desk. Go from there and He will lead you to the next spot. Put things where they go or have another place you can put things you don\'t know what to do with. From there take care of what you can and go draw by draw until before you know it you will have accomplished progress. I don\'t presume to have the answers but I know I serve a God who does and if we keep talking to Him and asking and seeking He will guide you every step of your journey., and mine too. You and your son are in my prayers.
WALKING THROUGH EACH DAY HOLDING JESUS\'S HAND AND LETTING HIM CARRY YOU WHEN YOU JUST DON\'T HAVE THE STRENGTH!!!