Another day I wake up feeling blue, When will I STOP CRYING!!!! Is my life suppose to filled with this dispair. Our son grows to dislike the situation. As he says on Sunday, I am not dad. This week has been so hard on both of us. I wander if he knows how hurt I am that he did that to the boy. I wander if he learned anything. IF he will do it again. He says he has learned. But is he saying that just to get out of his punishment. IS my punishment to harsh. I wander. I have no one to talk to about this situation. And my heart is breaking. What will happen, to us in the bigger scope of problems. I just can't seem to see any big picture. I don't see a future. Is that the way it is suppose to be. When we don't see tomorrow as issue. I want to run from everything. BUt I am not allowed to do that. I am in this bubble looking out and going through motions, and wander why people can't see what is really going on. I have no one. God seems so far from me today. Why??? I ask myself, why can't I fix my eyes on my savior. I feel like a looser, a hyprocrite, and how am I going to change??? I just want to be cheerful and feel peace and look forward today or tommorrow. WIth out dredging another day. Everyone thinks I have it all together. HA HA. I should have took up acting. Well, I feel like I am just going on and on I will end now.