IT is one of those days, I am trying to stay focus on the issues at hand. But I just can't seem to do it. All I want to do is scream. I am fighting a loosing battle or am I gaining strength for tomorrow. And what that may lead to. I feel like have NO ONE. No one to help or lead the way. My sister in laws care. But they just can't understand what I am going through. Everyone says, Matt needs me to be strong. Well I just can't do it. And I can't but think he would be better with out me. What a horrible thought. Am I protecting him. No!!! Does he see the whole picture. He acts so strong, but is he scared inside. Could he handle it if I died too. Would the comfort of knowing there is a heaven be enough for him. I am not thinking of killing myself. I could never do that. That is not how I want to meet my maker. I just am going to live one day at time. That is all I can do. Hopefully stop crying one day.