I went to the emergency room last night. I took my sister in law, she was in pain. It was hard. SHe wanted me to leave her. I told her never again would I leave anyone. Like I did that day Harry went in. I did not realize it would have been our last day together. I went to work. I have so much guilt. I sat waiting last night for her name to get caught. Three hours past and she went in. praise the Lord it was not the same room as I last saw my dear husband. God answered my prayers. He knew I would not be able to handle that. As I sat with her. I felt such a lost. I wanted to say everything will be fine. But I don't know if I believe that any more. There has to be more to this. There has to be a deeper message. a deeper purpose. I am so lost When my brother got off work he came to the hospital. I left and was glad to get out of there. I really wanted to run and just have a good cry. But it seems I can't do that. I am sure I will start crying today and not be able to stop for the feeling is just there. A lump in my throat. I really dislike hospitals and doctors. ANd lawyers.