I am little stress and miss Harry so much. I am trying to move through day knowing that God is with you that he design this whole situation. I think it stinks, and feel selfish that I want it back even if the situation was not always the best. I do think that God allowed me to share the best 6 months of our 13 years together. The last 6 months of his life. I am grateful for that. But I can't understand why my chest is heavy and the pain of lonliness captures my soul. I am starting my first counsleing session tonight. I don't know what kind of mood I will be in but I am going. I need to go. My son refuses to go to any. He says mom I know where dad is so I am fine, I don't need the group. I am so grateful he is handling it ok. But I am not. Christmas was Harry's favorite time of year. And he hated to keep surprises. Oh how am I going surive this next month. His birthday is tomorrow. Oh what a day is that. Oh well back to the day,
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Well I haven\'t had much to say I am doing much better these last few days. I am waiting for the world to crash again. If you know what I mean. I finally put lights up for christmas. It took me four tries, I would do a little think of Harry and stop. But it is done. Now if I could get in the mood. Christmas will just not be the same. And everyone wants to change things for me. Oh how I wish they would all leave me alone. I can\'t even figure out what to buy for gifts. Oh well. This will be the year I slack on gift giving. I just don\'t care about anything. My son has a concert tonight. And I really don\'t want to go alone. I have asked a few people but no one can come. Oh well, I guest I go solo. Last week I went to his school and really felt like an outcast. Why am I feeling this way?????