im sitting at my computa desk looking out to the grapevine an listening to the crikets impersonating a rock band,very lowd.its early morn and my girl,Demelza-kate is watching the catoons on tele.she was going to unty Linda's but chose to stay home with me (very odd as unty spoils her).she told me she needed mumy time and that i made her feel safe.this really touched me.i so love my girl and often get comments from teachers and friends saying we have an amazing relationship,and we do hav a closeness and an honesty with each other thats very deep.my depresion is at bay but my back is killing me.i hav to live on strong painkillers now and i feel a little sick every morning when i think about taking them.they say they are addictive but i find no such yearning for the pill just for the pain to stop.im still working landscaping but i dont know how much longer i can keep going.