8 months post the affair and attempted leaving!I am still super cautious ,still very hurt, still very confused and feeling foolish.  How do I ever trust him after he was giving up on us ,on me, sooo easily? I was sooo replaceable. I find myself constantly checking on him and super suspiscious. This is no way to live ,is it? Will it ever go away?  I have been hurt and betrayed before by boyfriends in the past, but this pain was so much more , I was completely blindsided.  I never truly trusted a man 100 percent, until him. I think I am ruined forever ,with or without him.  I even find myself tempted with the thoughts of testing how true he really is now. I think of texting him from an unknown phone number pretending it is the OW asking him to call her on her new number. To see if he will.  Is this completely insane?  Its like I must want it over, because I am pretty sure I would not get the assurance I am looking for, rather quite the opposite.  I think part of my reluctancy on his feelings for me, is that he did not fight to get me back,,,he felt guilty for my pain and told the OW he had an obligation to give this marriage a chance.  He did ME a favor? UGHHH that pisses me off!!  He eventually came back around emotionally but it took ME alot of work to get him back, after being the one cheated on I feel ripped off and incomplete.