This is my story:
when it came to choosing men, I typically went for the 'bad boys'. Why? Im not sure, but it could have been due to the fact that Im kind of a good girl. I was attracted to my opposite. I am also shy ,at first, and I never approach, initiate or pursue. Therefore, that leaves me with only the pursuers, which are typically the 'players'. Well at 29 years old (growing wiser)I had a child, my life's perspective changed and I found myself disgusted with 'bad boys' and suddenly longing for a real, fulfilling relationship. I realized I deserved the same respect and morales that I offer.
It took dating some frogs and wasting no time, to move on ,when I detected red flags. My search was over in 2003 ,when I met the most wonderful,modest,nice,sexy and yet highly morally correct too.It seemed too good to be true, I thought. But the feeling was mutual and we married in 2004. I trusted like NEVER before,and got my heart crushed like NEVER before. This past SEPT 2006 he pursued another woman(secretely) setting up his departure from me, while ( as he put it) played the role as my husband and pretended to be happy since he doesnt like conflict. The worse part is this woman was an old friend of his ex-wife and she and his teenage daughter were in on the conspiracy. I have been completely betrayed. I was blind sided. I sensed his withdrawing, so I checked his cell phone, in front of him. He grabbed it and responded with this,,"Fine, if you MUST know ,I am soo not in love with you anymore, and I want to move out" The next day I highly researched the computer that he had been on more frequently and everynight the past 3 weeks. This is where I found out about HER! She was unhappily married too. They were writting 'i love you's' and he was inquiring if she would marry again. They were meeting ,while I was working. I had what felt like a nervous a breakdown. I confronted my husband (via phone)with just sobbing and basically a guilt trip. He kept repeating that he didnt want to hurt me and he was sorry. Needless to say, he came around being very concerned and admitting he was confused now, saying he didnt think I cared this much.
My confusion comes in here, I can't help but wonder if the truth is that he felt too guilty when I found out about her, and didnt want to leave being the 'BAD GUY'. He was more concerned about my parents opinion on him, than mine. He really wanted everyone, including myself, to think I drove him away. He didnt want to look like the strayer/cheater. We are going on 5 months now since, but I just cant seem to shake it. He has put me on a sort of probation period, saying I can't go back to the nasty,mean ways or he will leave again. I only see my faults when we argue or diasgree as he has faults too, we feed off each other. But he does not admit to having a nasty side. I feel so lonely and anxious all the time now.I lost that trusting feeling, and worry I will never have it again. so confused in Mass.
when it came to choosing men, I typically went for the 'bad boys'. Why? Im not sure, but it could have been due to the fact that Im kind of a good girl. I was attracted to my opposite. I am also shy ,at first, and I never approach, initiate or pursue. Therefore, that leaves me with only the pursuers, which are typically the 'players'. Well at 29 years old (growing wiser)I had a child, my life's perspective changed and I found myself disgusted with 'bad boys' and suddenly longing for a real, fulfilling relationship. I realized I deserved the same respect and morales that I offer.
It took dating some frogs and wasting no time, to move on ,when I detected red flags. My search was over in 2003 ,when I met the most wonderful,modest,nice,sexy and yet highly morally correct too.It seemed too good to be true, I thought. But the feeling was mutual and we married in 2004. I trusted like NEVER before,and got my heart crushed like NEVER before. This past SEPT 2006 he pursued another woman(secretely) setting up his departure from me, while ( as he put it) played the role as my husband and pretended to be happy since he doesnt like conflict. The worse part is this woman was an old friend of his ex-wife and she and his teenage daughter were in on the conspiracy. I have been completely betrayed. I was blind sided. I sensed his withdrawing, so I checked his cell phone, in front of him. He grabbed it and responded with this,,"Fine, if you MUST know ,I am soo not in love with you anymore, and I want to move out" The next day I highly researched the computer that he had been on more frequently and everynight the past 3 weeks. This is where I found out about HER! She was unhappily married too. They were writting 'i love you's' and he was inquiring if she would marry again. They were meeting ,while I was working. I had what felt like a nervous a breakdown. I confronted my husband (via phone)with just sobbing and basically a guilt trip. He kept repeating that he didnt want to hurt me and he was sorry. Needless to say, he came around being very concerned and admitting he was confused now, saying he didnt think I cared this much.
My confusion comes in here, I can't help but wonder if the truth is that he felt too guilty when I found out about her, and didnt want to leave being the 'BAD GUY'. He was more concerned about my parents opinion on him, than mine. He really wanted everyone, including myself, to think I drove him away. He didnt want to look like the strayer/cheater. We are going on 5 months now since, but I just cant seem to shake it. He has put me on a sort of probation period, saying I can't go back to the nasty,mean ways or he will leave again. I only see my faults when we argue or diasgree as he has faults too, we feed off each other. But he does not admit to having a nasty side. I feel so lonely and anxious all the time now.I lost that trusting feeling, and worry I will never have it again. so confused in Mass.
Replies
It is NOT your fault he had an affair. it is NOT your fault that he feels this way. He sounds seriously in denial about what he is even feeling or what he wants. You need to stand tall and draw the line in the sand. YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS DISRESPECT. Does he want to work it out with you or not? he sounds very sneaky. It is he who should be making every single effort he can to keep you happy, not the other way around. YOU and your child are worth the effort, and then some.
if he doenst realize what he is throwing away with you, and the extent to which he is hurting you even now every day, LEAVE. Its easier than you think you know. It will get better. Remember, YOU ARE THE VICTIM. It is up to your husband to make you feel like he wants your marriage to work. He needs to convince you. Sadly, you dont sound very convinced.
You are the victim NOT him and him saying that if you \"misbehave\" or he will LEAVE you shows what a total jackass he REALLY is.
Leave HIM.
get tape player when you are fighting turn it on then play it back to him and show him what a ass hole he is .