Last night was horrible, beyond any night I have had since he left. After a conversation I had with him yesterday afternoon, and one of his co-workers, I truly believe that he has cheated on me! Out of all the reasons why my marriage fell apart, this was never one that crossed my mind - I really believed that he was different. I can't confront him about this because it would be more devasting for me to be 100% sure that he did.

Now I am questioning everything that has gone on over the past 7 1/2 years. I am questioning myself more and more - it's not like my self-esteem hasn't taken a big enough blow as it is throughout this ordeal. Now it makes perfect sense why the group of 'friends' went with him - probably because they all knew and didn't mention it.

Not only that, but now a line of questioning that our 'counselor' asked me makes perfect sense. She actually asked me if I thought he was not faithful during the course of our marriage, if he was capable of cheating, and if that would be a reason to have me leave him!! Not only did I think that those questions then were stupid, but now I question if she did ideed know what was going on. Maybe that's the reason he agreed to go to counselling after all these years - was to throw me off track of what was really going on.

I really am a basket case today. I have just got off the phone with the real estate agent - I have to sell my house! The ex is getting the papers signed TODAY and it seems like absolutely everything in my life has just shattered like a mirror!! I thought about not going to work today, I actually just stayed in bed for 2 extra hours this morning - but then when I realised that work was my only form of contact with people, I decided to go. Now that I am here, I can barely keep myself from crying.

(I think they need to put an icon that is worse than horrible - I would definately be using that one today)