So Tired

I am at the end of my rope. Yesterday the dr. told me that I need surgery on my hand. The dentist told me that I need to have all of my teeth pulled and get dentures. And I have hep c and an extremely high viral load. So I have to go through a bunch of invasive tests and then 12 weeks of drug therapy. We are hoping the therapy will kill the virus. The reason I have said all of this is to give you an idea of my condition and health. I am pretty miserable.
  The worst of it is that I have no family support. As a matter of fact they are a burden to me. My son continues to berate me. Now he says "You cry for attention every day.". Can he not consider what he is saying to me, or what he will not help me with or the fact that I have to support him on my limited income. He refuses to treat me with any kind of kindness.
  I can't go through this therapy and deal with his abuse all at the same time. Right now I am trying to stop smoking. Because I can't take the medication and smoke. It is very difficult when he is always upsetting me and making me cry.
  I just wish he would grow up and go to school or get a job instead of spending every day up my butt and just bringing me down.
  I can't get anyone in the family to help me with this issue. His father is 1600 miles away and hasn't bothered to come home to see his son is 7 years. I used to take him out every year to see him until my income got cut. Now neither one of them is making an effert. I am tired of having to take care of everyone and everything. Especially when I get treated like shit for it.
  I don't want my son to move out but I don't see how I'm ever going to have a real life with him hanging onto my apron. 20 years old and he cuss's at me and calls me names but won't even go out of the house and make a friend. I am the only friend he has and I am his mother.
  I feel so lost and defeated. I am a broken mess. Medically and emotionally, The people I live with do not value me at all. They don't even care that I am seriously ill. They think it's all a joke, because you can't see my disease. I am a depressive and I have panic attacks. And when I have a panic attack I get attacked verbally for it. It's a viscious cycle and I just don't want to live with it anymore.
  He is 20 yrs. old I shouldn't have to put up with this shit. I have been single for 10 years and intend on remaining that way because I can't deal with anymore abuse. I thought that when I finally got the ex to go away that I wouldn't have to go through this anymore. I never thought that my sweet little boy would grow up to treat me like that man did. It's horrible!!!
  I really need to be somewhere where I matter. Somewhere where they actually care about my well being. I'm dying here. They are killing me. Just smaching me into the ground. And some days it just doesn't seem like my health matters. Like maybe I should just give up, forget it all and let it take me over. Then they'll be able to see it! But ya know what it wouldn't make any difference. The only thing that matters is that they get what they want.
  I'm not crying for attention. I am crying, daily, because I am in pain. Both emotional and physical. Doesn't matter. I still have to vacuum, trim the lawn, poop scoop the yard and shampoo the carpets. Even though I am losing the use of my right arm. He doesn't care. He would prefer to punish me by refusing to do those things.
  I spent an hour poop scooping my yard the other day. I have 5 dogs. I only got a third of the yard done. My son sat in the house watching tv while I was doing that. Even tjhough I had asked for his help. He just refused "I'm not your bitch!", really it's like that. I have run out of idea's and patience. I've gotten to the point to where I just don't care anymore. I'll take care of everything and he can leave. I love him very very much. But, he won't even try to be a decent person so he can leave. I'd rather be comletely alone than take abuse from a man anymore. I've had a life time of that and I am done.
  I have three sons and a father . That's my family and I am beginning to really hate men!