I'm Back
Hi Guys,
Sorry I've been MIA. I have been weaning off of my anti-depressant Cymbalta. Come to find out it was the drug that was/is causing a lot of my problems. I've dropped down from 90mg. a day to 60mg. a day. It was hell for the first month. The withdrawels are horrible. Lilly is actually being sued because of the withdrawel symptoms. I have found that my pain has decreased when I dropped the dose. My shoulder and elbow still hurt and the general arthritic pain, but not near as bad as it was before. The swelling in my shoulder actually went down. I was shocked. The sweating has stopped, thank God!! And I'm not near as angry as I was before. Also I'm not waking up in a debilitating panic attack any more. So, things have gotten a little better for me.
I am still having terrible problems with my 20 yr. old son. He finally got his liscence. But, he is treating me very badly. I looked up "parent abuse by a child", and I found that this is actually abuse. I've been abused by men my whole life. My dad has never been a "normal" person. He has always told me "you can't". Two of my husbands beat me and mentally broke me and now it's happening with my son.
Last night I was watching after my new step daughters baby. Precious BryLee. She has a cold and is teething. So she was very fussy. Well, I'm dealing with this fussy child and my son starts yelling at me because he was having trouble making the hamburger helper hash brown mix. I went out to read the directions and started to tell him what I thought and he actually said "Stop Talking!!". So, I took BryLee and left the room. He continues to yell and cuss at me. It's ridiculus!!! And the language he uses when speaking to me makes me feel worthless. He actually told me "You should have never had kids. You're a bad mother.", and "I want you to know that I hate you. And I want you to remember it." Then he called me the C word while tearing up his room. He's begun to scare me.
At least after reading the articles on abuse I know that this is Real Abuse. Not just "In my mind". Now, what to do about it I don't know.
My oldest son says "You used to be so strong, what happened to you". He doesn't recognize this weak, scared person that I have become. Well a lifetime of abuse will leave you with the suffering of PSTD. Do they want to understand that? No. Noone really wants to understand. They just want me to give up and let them run me. I can't do that. I am 54 and I want to have some happiness in my life before it is over. We only get one trip around this rock and I am tired of wasting it.
I have told my son that he is not allowed to talk to me the way he does and that I won't tolerate it. So, it gets worse. I've about come to the end of the line. I'm just hoping that now that he has his drivers liscence that he will now get a job and a life. Then he won't be so miserable.
Sorry I've been MIA. I have been weaning off of my anti-depressant Cymbalta. Come to find out it was the drug that was/is causing a lot of my problems. I've dropped down from 90mg. a day to 60mg. a day. It was hell for the first month. The withdrawels are horrible. Lilly is actually being sued because of the withdrawel symptoms. I have found that my pain has decreased when I dropped the dose. My shoulder and elbow still hurt and the general arthritic pain, but not near as bad as it was before. The swelling in my shoulder actually went down. I was shocked. The sweating has stopped, thank God!! And I'm not near as angry as I was before. Also I'm not waking up in a debilitating panic attack any more. So, things have gotten a little better for me.
I am still having terrible problems with my 20 yr. old son. He finally got his liscence. But, he is treating me very badly. I looked up "parent abuse by a child", and I found that this is actually abuse. I've been abused by men my whole life. My dad has never been a "normal" person. He has always told me "you can't". Two of my husbands beat me and mentally broke me and now it's happening with my son.
Last night I was watching after my new step daughters baby. Precious BryLee. She has a cold and is teething. So she was very fussy. Well, I'm dealing with this fussy child and my son starts yelling at me because he was having trouble making the hamburger helper hash brown mix. I went out to read the directions and started to tell him what I thought and he actually said "Stop Talking!!". So, I took BryLee and left the room. He continues to yell and cuss at me. It's ridiculus!!! And the language he uses when speaking to me makes me feel worthless. He actually told me "You should have never had kids. You're a bad mother.", and "I want you to know that I hate you. And I want you to remember it." Then he called me the C word while tearing up his room. He's begun to scare me.
At least after reading the articles on abuse I know that this is Real Abuse. Not just "In my mind". Now, what to do about it I don't know.
My oldest son says "You used to be so strong, what happened to you". He doesn't recognize this weak, scared person that I have become. Well a lifetime of abuse will leave you with the suffering of PSTD. Do they want to understand that? No. Noone really wants to understand. They just want me to give up and let them run me. I can't do that. I am 54 and I want to have some happiness in my life before it is over. We only get one trip around this rock and I am tired of wasting it.
I have told my son that he is not allowed to talk to me the way he does and that I won't tolerate it. So, it gets worse. I've about come to the end of the line. I'm just hoping that now that he has his drivers liscence that he will now get a job and a life. Then he won't be so miserable.
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