Day by Day
Hi,
This is my first entry. I don't know quite what to say or how to start. So, here goes nothin'. I have been depressed for a long time. Living with my dad is very,very hard. I feel as if I have lost myself in the past few years. Since, I moved into help him out. Dad is just one of my issue's.
Today I brought up selling the house and moving, again. Dad gets so angry when I say anything about moving. But, this house is too big. Too much for me to maintain. We need to downsize. But, he just can't stand change. Any change, of any kind. I can't even clean out the garage. The riding mower doesn't work but I can't get rid of it. What difference does it make if the house is in my name or not, if he's going to freak out every time I want to do something. Like use the garage for the car. His hoarding has taken over this house. I need to clean t out and sell it. But, he acts like I am an ingrate.
I get so angry. The house was mom's. not his. And she left it to me. And, I'm not trying to be nasty, but the truth is.....if it weren't for me and my son taking care of him then he would have to be in a home. He is going to be 91 in April. Hurrah. But, really a crotchedy ole guy. And he continually treats me like a childish stupid Girl.
When I was little he used to always say certain things weren't for girls. Like when I wanted to be a vet. "The barn is no place for a girl". (Both of my grandfather's were farmers, as well as dad. I was used to the barn). Or when I wanted to take Karate. "Not for a girl". Well, it really would have come in handy when my ex was beating on me. He never supported me in anything, except he encouraged me to stay in a bad marriage. I love my dad but he just doesn't get it. He never "got" me.
I miss my mom!
This is my first entry. I don't know quite what to say or how to start. So, here goes nothin'. I have been depressed for a long time. Living with my dad is very,very hard. I feel as if I have lost myself in the past few years. Since, I moved into help him out. Dad is just one of my issue's.
Today I brought up selling the house and moving, again. Dad gets so angry when I say anything about moving. But, this house is too big. Too much for me to maintain. We need to downsize. But, he just can't stand change. Any change, of any kind. I can't even clean out the garage. The riding mower doesn't work but I can't get rid of it. What difference does it make if the house is in my name or not, if he's going to freak out every time I want to do something. Like use the garage for the car. His hoarding has taken over this house. I need to clean t out and sell it. But, he acts like I am an ingrate.
I get so angry. The house was mom's. not his. And she left it to me. And, I'm not trying to be nasty, but the truth is.....if it weren't for me and my son taking care of him then he would have to be in a home. He is going to be 91 in April. Hurrah. But, really a crotchedy ole guy. And he continually treats me like a childish stupid Girl.
When I was little he used to always say certain things weren't for girls. Like when I wanted to be a vet. "The barn is no place for a girl". (Both of my grandfather's were farmers, as well as dad. I was used to the barn). Or when I wanted to take Karate. "Not for a girl". Well, it really would have come in handy when my ex was beating on me. He never supported me in anything, except he encouraged me to stay in a bad marriage. I love my dad but he just doesn't get it. He never "got" me.
I miss my mom!
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