Day 50

I have made it to day 50 of no porn.  I have made it to day 37 of no masturbation.  There have been temptations, but I have not acted out on them.  I am currently beginning step 1, 2, and 3 this week with my sponsor.  I have had fantasies which I pray to God to remove from me.  I am able to stay in contact with my sponsor a few times every week.  I also see a counselor every other week.  I am working on improving issues with anger, and although my spouse and I are still staying in separate bedrooms, she seems to have softened her stance toward me a bit.  Things are getting a little bit better, but for those of you who are struggling, understand that this journey is not easy, even for me.  I must work through each of the 12 steps.  I need to get to the meetings so that I have a support system when temptations get stronger.  Right now, my temptations are mild.  I was left at home alone once, and could've gone online and masturbated, but I watched baseball instead.  I told my wife right away when I saw something questionable on my computer, and she thanked me for my honesty.  This is actually both the hardest, and also the most important part of the 12 steps--not lying anymore.  Us sex addicts lie.  It is our native language.  Some of us are exceptional liars, others are really bad liars.  But Lying becomes a habit.  This is a tough one to break.  But honesty is what will rebuild the trust your loved ones have in you.  And your recovery is not possible without it.  Please message me if you're reading this and I can help you.