Todays a new day. I feel pretty good. After reading some replies from a discussion I started on this site, really made me feel good. I hadn't talked to people who lost someone before. Most of the people I had talked with couldn't understand how I felt because they never lost anyone close to them. My wedding is now 2 weeks away and I don't feel like I'm going to cry the whole way down the aisle anymore. Planning this wedding was a reminder that I am motherless.
I'm the only girl and the baby child by my mom. So, we were close because I had no one else to be with besides her. When she left I felt completely lonely. I felt that she left me in a world to figure out on my own. I went through an extremly angry stage (which I know was selfish) and an extremly unstable person within myself. I eventually taught myself to get to the point I am today where I'm not crying everyday and I think of good times with my mom. At one point I believe I just tried to push it to the back of my head so far and hard that I couldn't see her face anymore. I'm terrified of losing those memories I have with her, forgetting her smile, forgetting her laugh, and the way she fussed at me. I miss her and I miss her dearly. My mom passed in April and my grandmother passed in May. A little less than a month after each other. I couldn't and didn't know how or what to do to grieve for both. I felt I was losing it. My grandmother wasn't just a grandmother, we were a very very tight family and she was like a second mother to me. Maybe that has something to do with my long grieveing. Its really hard to grieve for two people who meant so very much to you but grieve for them in a different kind of way. My father turned into someone I didn't know after my mom passed. I believe it was the grief. They were married for 20 yrs or something like that. So, I felt so lonely. After having a full life and everyone in it. In less than a month I lost my mom, my grandmother, and my dad in a way. Kind of hard for a 17yr old to deal with but I tried :). I beleive I written more than enough for today. Today is a pretty good day. Thank you Lord! I have so many things to do today and I can actually get out the bed and do them! Until next time..
I'm the only girl and the baby child by my mom. So, we were close because I had no one else to be with besides her. When she left I felt completely lonely. I felt that she left me in a world to figure out on my own. I went through an extremly angry stage (which I know was selfish) and an extremly unstable person within myself. I eventually taught myself to get to the point I am today where I'm not crying everyday and I think of good times with my mom. At one point I believe I just tried to push it to the back of my head so far and hard that I couldn't see her face anymore. I'm terrified of losing those memories I have with her, forgetting her smile, forgetting her laugh, and the way she fussed at me. I miss her and I miss her dearly. My mom passed in April and my grandmother passed in May. A little less than a month after each other. I couldn't and didn't know how or what to do to grieve for both. I felt I was losing it. My grandmother wasn't just a grandmother, we were a very very tight family and she was like a second mother to me. Maybe that has something to do with my long grieveing. Its really hard to grieve for two people who meant so very much to you but grieve for them in a different kind of way. My father turned into someone I didn't know after my mom passed. I believe it was the grief. They were married for 20 yrs or something like that. So, I felt so lonely. After having a full life and everyone in it. In less than a month I lost my mom, my grandmother, and my dad in a way. Kind of hard for a 17yr old to deal with but I tried :). I beleive I written more than enough for today. Today is a pretty good day. Thank you Lord! I have so many things to do today and I can actually get out the bed and do them! Until next time..
Replies
you are in my prayers! im here for you if you ever need to talk:)