Day 24
I don't know what today has in store. School has completely thrust it's influence into a plan that was working and now my life is semi-kaput. The business philosophy of this local college is stupidity. Yes I will be accusatory, it is a very stupid agenda.
It is an overbearing, working class, lack of wisdom, draining philosophy that is going to earn them an account of broke or bankruptcy in the future.
I get to witness what doesn't work, and anyone with some sense will see that I got F's and will be like, "hmmmm, he's too hard a worker to be getting F's, what the hell is wrong with that institution?"
This is a classic example of pure wrong on the part of the authority, like the Nazi's, and they get away with it for a time, then they have to suffer the same conditions they forced upon others.
I have nothing to worry about, much more ammo verbally when asked how that place functions, and can now see that no amount of money is worth this poor academic foundation.
Nothing ever runs smoothly there, every teacher has his or her own agenda and when that is fragile or flawed we are given a directive of "deal with it", however when we don't have the things they need we are completely wrong and punished for it. It should be called College of Hypocrites.
I am in danger of drinking, smoking, fucking someone to the point of damage, killing someone, or completely losing it. Did I do a lot of it to myself? I did some of it to myself, however there is no compromise in this school influence, this school doesn't care if I have life needs or things I need to do in order to survive and get what I need to live. All the school cares about are it's numbers, so getting an F probably is the best way to teach them a lesson. I have done thorough analysis on my teachers performance and the conclussion is they don't care if I learn well or not, all they care is if I do the work, ignoring the fact that if I am not taught well I can't do the work. So it is an establishment based and functioning off stupidity, ironically being funded as an educational venture, so take that money out of that piece of shit and spend it on things that don't destroy young people's future. This type of philosophy leads to heart attacks, strokes, ill health, and a whole lot of false pride, false objectives, and death.
How do I deal with the resentment of this institution being the villain? I pray for it and then see where I am the villian AA says. More so, I see how the resentment will makes things worse, so let it be the piece of shit it is, God will deal with it, and I will probably watch it's demise, the campus is barren as it is, and it's not attractive or worth investment. I have too much pride to wish it well, and that is probably the main issue. The fear I am receiving help with, I forgot God is my banker, and God is my accountant, so I will have plenty of money and the real test is not letting the money persuade me this way or that. If I fail classes will I miss out on loan money or grant money? I will, however I will still have a job, and I am disabled so I will still have the government's backing so I don't have complete loss of resource. It's not the end of the world if I fail a class or can't do the work. Keep in mind I am doing hours of work on my recovery daily, hours of work in my job daily, hours of work by just going to class in school, hours of work to accomodate personal responsibility, for instance my phone bill needs attention, my insurance needs attention, my health needs attention, and this dumbass lady things it rational for me to put all that on the back burner just so her numbers can look good. Well that is not rational, and I'm not the one who made an honors class out of an introductory class, so to say I am the one wrong is bullshit. Also that woman at DARS made me take a full load, and that really angers me how that piece of shit lead me no where but they are given money to help others with disabilities. Pull their funding too. Cut all that shit, cut DARS, cut Education, cut all the bullshit that doesn't make life easier and more productive both short term and long time.
My room looks like shit, I have text books to read, I have to eat right, I have to exercise, I have to do laundry, I have to get gas, I have to pay bills, I have to rest, I have to do so much it seems, and what makes it worse is no one is understanding or compassionate.
Well I am going to a meeting, I don't want to do wrong, I am not interested in making life harder for anyone who makes the rules, I have changed my attitude on the women I like and miss them, I haven't given up entirely, I am recognizing the stress and the bullshit, I am recognizing the stupidity in others, I am being myself, and it is feeling good, and I have good ideals, and I am making progress, and I am dealing with honest pain and difficult people. I am reaching breaking points and not breaking, that is worth an F.
I'm ready to murder some nazi's though, so I might need to take the day off. Accommodating Nazi's has to be the most absurd or unintelligent decision possible, however it is great comedy to witness their inadequacy with the delusion mind frames used to think they are really not creating problems. They are the complete problem, and they always will be the problem, and they deserve to be in death camps forever. Deserve, is the key word, and if I have my way it will be so, forever those bastards will rot in death camps and just complete degraded and dominated.
So I think it is safe to say I am a little sick today, and way past the insanity clause of my personality, I'm talking brutally insensitive and radically irritated.
All because some over-zealous nerd has an attitude and doesn't know how to teach or treat others. The good news is I still have the ideal of saving myself for a wife, even though I will never have a wife, maybe it will be an example for a young man or woman for their future. If they can see my extremely sexy ass not having sex, maybe they will have hope that they don't have to buy into the nasty behaviors and conditions of the mind 99% of humans enjoy.
I don't give a fuck what type of day you have today.
It is an overbearing, working class, lack of wisdom, draining philosophy that is going to earn them an account of broke or bankruptcy in the future.
I get to witness what doesn't work, and anyone with some sense will see that I got F's and will be like, "hmmmm, he's too hard a worker to be getting F's, what the hell is wrong with that institution?"
This is a classic example of pure wrong on the part of the authority, like the Nazi's, and they get away with it for a time, then they have to suffer the same conditions they forced upon others.
I have nothing to worry about, much more ammo verbally when asked how that place functions, and can now see that no amount of money is worth this poor academic foundation.
Nothing ever runs smoothly there, every teacher has his or her own agenda and when that is fragile or flawed we are given a directive of "deal with it", however when we don't have the things they need we are completely wrong and punished for it. It should be called College of Hypocrites.
I am in danger of drinking, smoking, fucking someone to the point of damage, killing someone, or completely losing it. Did I do a lot of it to myself? I did some of it to myself, however there is no compromise in this school influence, this school doesn't care if I have life needs or things I need to do in order to survive and get what I need to live. All the school cares about are it's numbers, so getting an F probably is the best way to teach them a lesson. I have done thorough analysis on my teachers performance and the conclussion is they don't care if I learn well or not, all they care is if I do the work, ignoring the fact that if I am not taught well I can't do the work. So it is an establishment based and functioning off stupidity, ironically being funded as an educational venture, so take that money out of that piece of shit and spend it on things that don't destroy young people's future. This type of philosophy leads to heart attacks, strokes, ill health, and a whole lot of false pride, false objectives, and death.
How do I deal with the resentment of this institution being the villain? I pray for it and then see where I am the villian AA says. More so, I see how the resentment will makes things worse, so let it be the piece of shit it is, God will deal with it, and I will probably watch it's demise, the campus is barren as it is, and it's not attractive or worth investment. I have too much pride to wish it well, and that is probably the main issue. The fear I am receiving help with, I forgot God is my banker, and God is my accountant, so I will have plenty of money and the real test is not letting the money persuade me this way or that. If I fail classes will I miss out on loan money or grant money? I will, however I will still have a job, and I am disabled so I will still have the government's backing so I don't have complete loss of resource. It's not the end of the world if I fail a class or can't do the work. Keep in mind I am doing hours of work on my recovery daily, hours of work in my job daily, hours of work by just going to class in school, hours of work to accomodate personal responsibility, for instance my phone bill needs attention, my insurance needs attention, my health needs attention, and this dumbass lady things it rational for me to put all that on the back burner just so her numbers can look good. Well that is not rational, and I'm not the one who made an honors class out of an introductory class, so to say I am the one wrong is bullshit. Also that woman at DARS made me take a full load, and that really angers me how that piece of shit lead me no where but they are given money to help others with disabilities. Pull their funding too. Cut all that shit, cut DARS, cut Education, cut all the bullshit that doesn't make life easier and more productive both short term and long time.
My room looks like shit, I have text books to read, I have to eat right, I have to exercise, I have to do laundry, I have to get gas, I have to pay bills, I have to rest, I have to do so much it seems, and what makes it worse is no one is understanding or compassionate.
Well I am going to a meeting, I don't want to do wrong, I am not interested in making life harder for anyone who makes the rules, I have changed my attitude on the women I like and miss them, I haven't given up entirely, I am recognizing the stress and the bullshit, I am recognizing the stupidity in others, I am being myself, and it is feeling good, and I have good ideals, and I am making progress, and I am dealing with honest pain and difficult people. I am reaching breaking points and not breaking, that is worth an F.
I'm ready to murder some nazi's though, so I might need to take the day off. Accommodating Nazi's has to be the most absurd or unintelligent decision possible, however it is great comedy to witness their inadequacy with the delusion mind frames used to think they are really not creating problems. They are the complete problem, and they always will be the problem, and they deserve to be in death camps forever. Deserve, is the key word, and if I have my way it will be so, forever those bastards will rot in death camps and just complete degraded and dominated.
So I think it is safe to say I am a little sick today, and way past the insanity clause of my personality, I'm talking brutally insensitive and radically irritated.
All because some over-zealous nerd has an attitude and doesn't know how to teach or treat others. The good news is I still have the ideal of saving myself for a wife, even though I will never have a wife, maybe it will be an example for a young man or woman for their future. If they can see my extremely sexy ass not having sex, maybe they will have hope that they don't have to buy into the nasty behaviors and conditions of the mind 99% of humans enjoy.
I don't give a fuck what type of day you have today.
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