Day 19
I am doing good today. I have seen it will require absolute unselfishness in order to not die before my time. I know that is blunt, but it is so with the kind of illness that I have.
That is ok, so unselfishness it will be. Of course a loving God will give me time to grow towards that ideal, let's be real, I'm not going to die today if I choose to not tip the coffee barista who makes my coffee, but I won't be chancing it though, even though my anxiety about less spending is high.
I am secure in my beliefs when it comes to sex, I love to see women lose control when having sex, and aside from harmful activities to them, I can also see that and be open to the fact that they might not like that. They might not like that feeling of freedom sexual experience provides. As weak as it is I do have a strong enough mind to understand that moments of weakness and unusual pleasure are good for humility and confidence in a higher power or source. I'm good with it, and God keeps letting me know I am wasting my looks by not sharing them with women, but I'm not absolutely unselfish yet in this area, so it will take time, and it's ok.
I do have some problematic fears I can't identify yet, it will require a deep search, however I was given the inspiration to delve deep into the law books of the west, so I am pleased to know now that I will be learning a lot by doing so. I feel privilaged to have that calling, some have been called to do much worse, and God's request that I study law and learn seems very gracious and I am honored. I wish I had a spouse to bounce things off of, or communicate with, but I am my own spouse due to chronic masturbation, so as sad as that is, it is the truth, I just get so sick of hearing myself talk to myself, but others hearing me get even sicker, so again, I just need to read law books and be content with it. My ambition is to be as great a listener as Clarence Thomas, so that will be my ideal to live up to, of course I'll never be as great as Clarence Thomas, but like all mentors, I am grateful for the examples. One of my biggest mentors should be a congressman, and his example has been a great blessing in my life, for once I have a role model I can be ok with not being as sound as, but can refer to if I need to be sound. Everyone knows I am insane, I'm hoping the law will provide a guide on what I would be like if I were sane. I guess I will be able to imagine sanity every time I open the books. They are so interesting, the digest, the codes, the statutes, the databases, it is all so very interesting and awesome to be quite honest. Real stars are lawyers. Well I have four minutes to finish this entry, but if you want to see a good lawyer in action from the print, read the Federalist Papers and what Alexander Hamilton does when speaking. The way he binds case after case with a flow is very awesome, it's really great stuff if you're anything like me.
Have a great day.
That is ok, so unselfishness it will be. Of course a loving God will give me time to grow towards that ideal, let's be real, I'm not going to die today if I choose to not tip the coffee barista who makes my coffee, but I won't be chancing it though, even though my anxiety about less spending is high.
I am secure in my beliefs when it comes to sex, I love to see women lose control when having sex, and aside from harmful activities to them, I can also see that and be open to the fact that they might not like that. They might not like that feeling of freedom sexual experience provides. As weak as it is I do have a strong enough mind to understand that moments of weakness and unusual pleasure are good for humility and confidence in a higher power or source. I'm good with it, and God keeps letting me know I am wasting my looks by not sharing them with women, but I'm not absolutely unselfish yet in this area, so it will take time, and it's ok.
I do have some problematic fears I can't identify yet, it will require a deep search, however I was given the inspiration to delve deep into the law books of the west, so I am pleased to know now that I will be learning a lot by doing so. I feel privilaged to have that calling, some have been called to do much worse, and God's request that I study law and learn seems very gracious and I am honored. I wish I had a spouse to bounce things off of, or communicate with, but I am my own spouse due to chronic masturbation, so as sad as that is, it is the truth, I just get so sick of hearing myself talk to myself, but others hearing me get even sicker, so again, I just need to read law books and be content with it. My ambition is to be as great a listener as Clarence Thomas, so that will be my ideal to live up to, of course I'll never be as great as Clarence Thomas, but like all mentors, I am grateful for the examples. One of my biggest mentors should be a congressman, and his example has been a great blessing in my life, for once I have a role model I can be ok with not being as sound as, but can refer to if I need to be sound. Everyone knows I am insane, I'm hoping the law will provide a guide on what I would be like if I were sane. I guess I will be able to imagine sanity every time I open the books. They are so interesting, the digest, the codes, the statutes, the databases, it is all so very interesting and awesome to be quite honest. Real stars are lawyers. Well I have four minutes to finish this entry, but if you want to see a good lawyer in action from the print, read the Federalist Papers and what Alexander Hamilton does when speaking. The way he binds case after case with a flow is very awesome, it's really great stuff if you're anything like me.
Have a great day.
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