Day 17
I remember when ESPN used to show the ending highlight of the game with the winning team doing something highlight-ish. Now they will show the last highlight of the losing team, then you'll look at the score and see the other team not in the highlight won though. That's the type of shit I'm talking about, that's not greatness, that is sub-par I'm going to do it my own way and confuse the viewer.
That network has fallen off, it's gotten fat, I still watch it because I am loyal and have been watching it for 25 years now, but it went downhill after the invasion of women. I'll be the one to say it, because it is true. I think Disney owns ESPN, so shame on Disney, well actually thanks, you are forcing me to go to the print more. We might as well call it the Real Housewives of Everyday Sports Network, or Everyday Persons Sports Network, whatever the hell it stands for. The sad part is the real honest anchors like Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann were created to be bad guys, but it's clear that network has some work to do.
I will say the employees are awesome and I'll never stop watching ESPN, I just really don't like the "in-crowd" aura it has become recently. I could never be a sports anchor though, way too temperamental,but here are some of my favorite ESPN guys (some gals too.) I'd have to say Dan Lebetard is probably the most down to earth if you ask me, this is so hard because I honestly really like all of them. Some of the are very professional and great role models for people growing up. Brock Huard, Mark Brunell, Herm Edwards, Chris Brousard, just to name a few, I enjoy listening to. I am crazy, I love ESPN, what am I saying? That's my sickness though, I see one highlight that isn't conducive to the final score of one game and all of the sudden the whole network is crap. What would we do without ESPN? I like Fox, Fox has a bit more of a "let's not think we are too great" attitude, and also Fox doesn't take stances on issues outside of sports as routinely as ESPN does. Personally I think ESPN can be a little more perfect, but no one gets the "more perfect" ideology now a days, everyone is ok with the fail, and then writing the fail off as "life." If we can't do it on our own God will make us be more "perfect."
Yesterday in class I heard that bankers only get five days off a year. I then calculated that those days must be the first of the year, Easter, the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. If they knew what was good for them they would also take Valentines Day, a Spring Break, Halloween, and Michael Douglas's birthday. Seriously though, my mind, from an outside inspiration made me say "fuck, that means I will only be getting around 6 to 10 days off a year from the beginning of now, and that means no more laziness, no more just chilling, no more "I'm exhausted." If I'm exhausted I know what to do to not be exhausted, drink more water, find something healthy that is stimulating, don't panic from money's influence, and continue to focus on a rigid sleep schedule.
I have to admit I like the 9 to 5 schedule, but I'd like it better if it were 8 to 3. I think Europe has a civil code that persuades them to only work 7 hours a day. A healthy man should be working 10 hours a day. 11 hours of work including a peaceful lunch break five days a week makes for a good living. I can honestly say I work from about 5:30 to 8:00, usually 9:30, but I'm a radical extremist in the work regard, and it works for me, however I have to be careful not to let my actions or not care when I see others striving to do the same that can't. I used to demean those who couldn't keep up, but that is not right I see now, and just because I am a good working and can work hard and long, doesn't mean I am doing anything better than anyone else, I work so hard and so long because I have an ideal of the more I work and the longer I work the more I can gain to give back.
For instance I have dual commitments today, actually multiple commitments today, and I am a one man team, so I have no assistants or affiliations supplying effort, it's all me. This is good in one regard because I have sole liability and responsibility, so if I make a mistake, I can own up to it and then move on, but it also creates an environment of loneliness and mistrust in my mind. Now I have sufficient evidence that working alone prevents dependence that thwarts pace, however if God really is above the rat race, and our desires to get wealth and influence really are just peanuts to him, I guess it isn't all bad to slow down and build relationships. I will say I have a peasant view of others. This isn't good, no one deserves the title of peasant, even though in reality there are billions of peasants, but this takes callousness and no feelings to take action off of, and I don't want to be callous anymore, and I like my feelings to feel good and secure. I'm pretty good at not feeling, but I feel dead when I don't feel, and I want to feel something good for once, so if it takes me not seeing others as peasants, then that is what it is going to take. Ask Louis the 16th how peasantly peasants can be, they almost ripped his wife to pieces literally, but then again those fools beheaded their leader in the end, so again, there are billions of peasants in the world and I have no clue to accurately deal with them, however I can view myself as the real peasant, even though I know I'm a little ahead of the peasant.
I had such a dark agenda for so long I don't know how to make one that is right. I think no agenda for me is the right agenda. I can't assimilate to someone else's agenda though, and God is too great and big to have an agenda, so what is the need for all these agendas? In school now they request these kids have agendas. What is your agenda? My agenda is to not have an agenda. Well you will fail then. Well I have to try to fail, and if I don't have an agenda I am not trying, so how is that failure again?
So I am in the shower today and I say "God please remove this envy." Then I let out a deep breath, and it seems to be gone. My main source of envy is guys being with women I know want to be with me, but don't want to hurt the guy even more. Very sensitive and admirable, but what about me? Well the "what about me?" bullshit is my disease of selfishness, and if I keep that attitude I will die. I think being single and having casual sex, well more like not taking sex with another for granted and positive sex making (positive sex making, sexy sexy-ness) isn't so bad. I can give, and feel whole, but not have to do it where I feel guilty or like I am harming someone else. By harming someone else I mean taking the guys girl. What a sad event, when the guy gets his girl taken by the dark lord of sex, then the dark lord of sex laughs about it, then the dark lord of sex gets his chin checked by the guy's jealousy. I've never had the desire to steal women from other guys, even when I clearly could see she would be taken better care of by me and be happier, I guess I care about that too much, or just the right amount. I guess I'd rather see two people happy and myself a huge player than one of my dogs getting hurt. The funniest is the guys who make it seem like they are "the man" but when the right women comes, and that woman isn't as loyal as some others, that man turns fragile very quickly.
Most players think "well if I don't let them hurt me I won't get hurt." I have to say, if you just let them hurt you from the get go, you'll never really be hurt ever by them. The hurt isn't really hurt in the first place, it's more truth than hurt, if the chick thinks she is greater than being loyal, she will hurt you in more ways than one, so let her hurt you, see that it isn't really even honest hurt and it's just them, then sit back and watch all the other fishes start boppin. It's the dudes that wallow in the harm that really suffer. Then to add insult to injury the harlot then laughs at them! It's actually hilarious, not very classy, but if seen in the right light, pure comedy. Most dudes will sell each other out over pussy, even the ones who claim "realest" will sell out for pussy, it's just a reality, every person is liable to bow down to that power. If you assume you're not special and it can happen to you too, unless you have a purpose for not bowing down, you'll be fine and love will find you. Don't talk to guys that are "hitting that pussy", talk to guys who are taking their wives out to dinner and not complaining when their wives are constantly complaining. Complaining to women is as if they were just breathing, they can't see how harmful it is for the whole, however the question remains how harmful is it really if God allows it to happen so often and from some many beings? Federal courts starts their proceedings looking at complaints.
If you're anything like me though, complaining is just a bunch of bullshit, lots of shit, try complaining for two weeks then see how nasty your shits are, ok I'll end there.
Have a great day.
That network has fallen off, it's gotten fat, I still watch it because I am loyal and have been watching it for 25 years now, but it went downhill after the invasion of women. I'll be the one to say it, because it is true. I think Disney owns ESPN, so shame on Disney, well actually thanks, you are forcing me to go to the print more. We might as well call it the Real Housewives of Everyday Sports Network, or Everyday Persons Sports Network, whatever the hell it stands for. The sad part is the real honest anchors like Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann were created to be bad guys, but it's clear that network has some work to do.
I will say the employees are awesome and I'll never stop watching ESPN, I just really don't like the "in-crowd" aura it has become recently. I could never be a sports anchor though, way too temperamental,but here are some of my favorite ESPN guys (some gals too.) I'd have to say Dan Lebetard is probably the most down to earth if you ask me, this is so hard because I honestly really like all of them. Some of the are very professional and great role models for people growing up. Brock Huard, Mark Brunell, Herm Edwards, Chris Brousard, just to name a few, I enjoy listening to. I am crazy, I love ESPN, what am I saying? That's my sickness though, I see one highlight that isn't conducive to the final score of one game and all of the sudden the whole network is crap. What would we do without ESPN? I like Fox, Fox has a bit more of a "let's not think we are too great" attitude, and also Fox doesn't take stances on issues outside of sports as routinely as ESPN does. Personally I think ESPN can be a little more perfect, but no one gets the "more perfect" ideology now a days, everyone is ok with the fail, and then writing the fail off as "life." If we can't do it on our own God will make us be more "perfect."
Yesterday in class I heard that bankers only get five days off a year. I then calculated that those days must be the first of the year, Easter, the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. If they knew what was good for them they would also take Valentines Day, a Spring Break, Halloween, and Michael Douglas's birthday. Seriously though, my mind, from an outside inspiration made me say "fuck, that means I will only be getting around 6 to 10 days off a year from the beginning of now, and that means no more laziness, no more just chilling, no more "I'm exhausted." If I'm exhausted I know what to do to not be exhausted, drink more water, find something healthy that is stimulating, don't panic from money's influence, and continue to focus on a rigid sleep schedule.
I have to admit I like the 9 to 5 schedule, but I'd like it better if it were 8 to 3. I think Europe has a civil code that persuades them to only work 7 hours a day. A healthy man should be working 10 hours a day. 11 hours of work including a peaceful lunch break five days a week makes for a good living. I can honestly say I work from about 5:30 to 8:00, usually 9:30, but I'm a radical extremist in the work regard, and it works for me, however I have to be careful not to let my actions or not care when I see others striving to do the same that can't. I used to demean those who couldn't keep up, but that is not right I see now, and just because I am a good working and can work hard and long, doesn't mean I am doing anything better than anyone else, I work so hard and so long because I have an ideal of the more I work and the longer I work the more I can gain to give back.
For instance I have dual commitments today, actually multiple commitments today, and I am a one man team, so I have no assistants or affiliations supplying effort, it's all me. This is good in one regard because I have sole liability and responsibility, so if I make a mistake, I can own up to it and then move on, but it also creates an environment of loneliness and mistrust in my mind. Now I have sufficient evidence that working alone prevents dependence that thwarts pace, however if God really is above the rat race, and our desires to get wealth and influence really are just peanuts to him, I guess it isn't all bad to slow down and build relationships. I will say I have a peasant view of others. This isn't good, no one deserves the title of peasant, even though in reality there are billions of peasants, but this takes callousness and no feelings to take action off of, and I don't want to be callous anymore, and I like my feelings to feel good and secure. I'm pretty good at not feeling, but I feel dead when I don't feel, and I want to feel something good for once, so if it takes me not seeing others as peasants, then that is what it is going to take. Ask Louis the 16th how peasantly peasants can be, they almost ripped his wife to pieces literally, but then again those fools beheaded their leader in the end, so again, there are billions of peasants in the world and I have no clue to accurately deal with them, however I can view myself as the real peasant, even though I know I'm a little ahead of the peasant.
I had such a dark agenda for so long I don't know how to make one that is right. I think no agenda for me is the right agenda. I can't assimilate to someone else's agenda though, and God is too great and big to have an agenda, so what is the need for all these agendas? In school now they request these kids have agendas. What is your agenda? My agenda is to not have an agenda. Well you will fail then. Well I have to try to fail, and if I don't have an agenda I am not trying, so how is that failure again?
So I am in the shower today and I say "God please remove this envy." Then I let out a deep breath, and it seems to be gone. My main source of envy is guys being with women I know want to be with me, but don't want to hurt the guy even more. Very sensitive and admirable, but what about me? Well the "what about me?" bullshit is my disease of selfishness, and if I keep that attitude I will die. I think being single and having casual sex, well more like not taking sex with another for granted and positive sex making (positive sex making, sexy sexy-ness) isn't so bad. I can give, and feel whole, but not have to do it where I feel guilty or like I am harming someone else. By harming someone else I mean taking the guys girl. What a sad event, when the guy gets his girl taken by the dark lord of sex, then the dark lord of sex laughs about it, then the dark lord of sex gets his chin checked by the guy's jealousy. I've never had the desire to steal women from other guys, even when I clearly could see she would be taken better care of by me and be happier, I guess I care about that too much, or just the right amount. I guess I'd rather see two people happy and myself a huge player than one of my dogs getting hurt. The funniest is the guys who make it seem like they are "the man" but when the right women comes, and that woman isn't as loyal as some others, that man turns fragile very quickly.
Most players think "well if I don't let them hurt me I won't get hurt." I have to say, if you just let them hurt you from the get go, you'll never really be hurt ever by them. The hurt isn't really hurt in the first place, it's more truth than hurt, if the chick thinks she is greater than being loyal, she will hurt you in more ways than one, so let her hurt you, see that it isn't really even honest hurt and it's just them, then sit back and watch all the other fishes start boppin. It's the dudes that wallow in the harm that really suffer. Then to add insult to injury the harlot then laughs at them! It's actually hilarious, not very classy, but if seen in the right light, pure comedy. Most dudes will sell each other out over pussy, even the ones who claim "realest" will sell out for pussy, it's just a reality, every person is liable to bow down to that power. If you assume you're not special and it can happen to you too, unless you have a purpose for not bowing down, you'll be fine and love will find you. Don't talk to guys that are "hitting that pussy", talk to guys who are taking their wives out to dinner and not complaining when their wives are constantly complaining. Complaining to women is as if they were just breathing, they can't see how harmful it is for the whole, however the question remains how harmful is it really if God allows it to happen so often and from some many beings? Federal courts starts their proceedings looking at complaints.
If you're anything like me though, complaining is just a bunch of bullshit, lots of shit, try complaining for two weeks then see how nasty your shits are, ok I'll end there.
Have a great day.
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