Day 6
I'm a little off today. I am finding I am not willing to sacrifice to earn a high mark in school. What is deeper is I still have a belief that the job market and the economy ultimately will take more from me than it will give. If I look even deeper than that, it is a very selfish way to accept things, and I am forgetting that one of my goals for recovery is to not only contribute to a "not always that bad" society, but to not complain in the process. I've been doing a whole lot of complaining in the past couple of days, directly due to authorities orders, and it has me mad (the English version) and exhausted.
I am not the smartest cookie in the jar, but I probably give the largest effort out of the majority, and when I stop trying, everything goes to shit.
Where does self-reliance come into play with this? Should I stop, or should I adjust? I don't know, but I do know that the pace required for me to learn, is slower than others, and I'm getting left behind, then punished for it and seen as not valuable, and I'm incorporating it as abuse from the "blessed" and it's creating division.
The fact of the matter is I have one teacher and one educator, and that is God, and all else is just human imperfection trying to do the best it can.
Not a big deal at all, the authorities figures I deal with daily aren't my Judge, they often judge, but they judge with poor spirits and characters, and I have the power and right to both ignore the judgments but to also move alone with my life and do the right thing in the process, regardless of the flawed and always imperfect judgment. The funny thing is we as Americans are supposed to be striving for the more "perfect" union however we usually make the less perfect decisions. Then we leave ourselves open for mockery and ridicule, and then we wonder why people want to disrespect us and throw wrenches in our spokes.
Today I want to do so much, but in order to help bitch made lawyers earn money for their bratty kids and silicone tittied trophy wives I have to sacrifice football watching to study some dumb shit I could probably teach myself on my own time at the half the time frame. By the way I have no substantial objection to silicone titties.
So instead of being free and being myself, having the freedom to be nice and not irritated and not an asshole, I will have to incorporate pain into my own character this day in order to help the "haves" as a "have not" and also have to keep my mouth shut. Sounds a little like slavery to me, but that would strike a nerve with too many and we don't want to wake anyone up with the truth more than we have to so I will just be like that idiot Paul in the Bible and do what I don't want to do all while not knowing if the purpose is even God driven in the first place because I "need" faith. Slave owners needed the slaves to have faith that their cotton picking would earn them freedom one day, while they weren't being beaten and treated like animals in the down time, so I'll just accept that tolerating all this bullshit and one big lie to make the powers that be rich, will earn me a seat next to the bearded white man who looks kind of like Kurt Cobain but also like Viggo Mortenson in heaven.
The ironic thing is it all has a direct conflict with the bill of rights that starts off by saying just being born inside the Country gives me the green light to speak freely. Yet rich fucks always want me to shut the fuck up because the real bill of rights in this Country should be the size of the bank account, let's just stop with all the bullshit, and keep it real. Nobody gives a fuck what a person has to say if they don't have any money, but if it is going to make them money to hear the poor man state a complaint or grievance, all is well, because the bank account will then be able to speak. So don't knock me for being sharp enough to see through, not just see into, but see through all this bullshit "the man" and the "haves" try preaching to me. The great news is I am taking the higher road and not initiating in conflict with them, when I do that I see their poor characters spiritually and I see how pathetic they really are and how they need the money just not to kill their worthless selves. I wish I could have a branding stick that constantly stayed at high heat that marked the words "I suck" on foreheads of these fucks.
However that wish being granted would not be from a great God, and a great God isn't cool with me punking his children and telling them the cold hard honest truth, because I do with with a demeanor that defects them generally, so I am screwed and have to surrender to this fucking almighty again. However when I surrender to the Almighty he teachers me things one would never find in a book or that would have ever came from the human or being brain.
I'd rather have that, than a bank account ready to bust. Now an expansive bank account is another story, but a bank account ready to explode is like confetti, it looks good and sounds impressive, but at the end of it all it's just a bunch of pieces of paper.
Have a good day, I hope Arizona beats the shit out of UCLA.
I am not the smartest cookie in the jar, but I probably give the largest effort out of the majority, and when I stop trying, everything goes to shit.
Where does self-reliance come into play with this? Should I stop, or should I adjust? I don't know, but I do know that the pace required for me to learn, is slower than others, and I'm getting left behind, then punished for it and seen as not valuable, and I'm incorporating it as abuse from the "blessed" and it's creating division.
The fact of the matter is I have one teacher and one educator, and that is God, and all else is just human imperfection trying to do the best it can.
Not a big deal at all, the authorities figures I deal with daily aren't my Judge, they often judge, but they judge with poor spirits and characters, and I have the power and right to both ignore the judgments but to also move alone with my life and do the right thing in the process, regardless of the flawed and always imperfect judgment. The funny thing is we as Americans are supposed to be striving for the more "perfect" union however we usually make the less perfect decisions. Then we leave ourselves open for mockery and ridicule, and then we wonder why people want to disrespect us and throw wrenches in our spokes.
Today I want to do so much, but in order to help bitch made lawyers earn money for their bratty kids and silicone tittied trophy wives I have to sacrifice football watching to study some dumb shit I could probably teach myself on my own time at the half the time frame. By the way I have no substantial objection to silicone titties.
So instead of being free and being myself, having the freedom to be nice and not irritated and not an asshole, I will have to incorporate pain into my own character this day in order to help the "haves" as a "have not" and also have to keep my mouth shut. Sounds a little like slavery to me, but that would strike a nerve with too many and we don't want to wake anyone up with the truth more than we have to so I will just be like that idiot Paul in the Bible and do what I don't want to do all while not knowing if the purpose is even God driven in the first place because I "need" faith. Slave owners needed the slaves to have faith that their cotton picking would earn them freedom one day, while they weren't being beaten and treated like animals in the down time, so I'll just accept that tolerating all this bullshit and one big lie to make the powers that be rich, will earn me a seat next to the bearded white man who looks kind of like Kurt Cobain but also like Viggo Mortenson in heaven.
The ironic thing is it all has a direct conflict with the bill of rights that starts off by saying just being born inside the Country gives me the green light to speak freely. Yet rich fucks always want me to shut the fuck up because the real bill of rights in this Country should be the size of the bank account, let's just stop with all the bullshit, and keep it real. Nobody gives a fuck what a person has to say if they don't have any money, but if it is going to make them money to hear the poor man state a complaint or grievance, all is well, because the bank account will then be able to speak. So don't knock me for being sharp enough to see through, not just see into, but see through all this bullshit "the man" and the "haves" try preaching to me. The great news is I am taking the higher road and not initiating in conflict with them, when I do that I see their poor characters spiritually and I see how pathetic they really are and how they need the money just not to kill their worthless selves. I wish I could have a branding stick that constantly stayed at high heat that marked the words "I suck" on foreheads of these fucks.
However that wish being granted would not be from a great God, and a great God isn't cool with me punking his children and telling them the cold hard honest truth, because I do with with a demeanor that defects them generally, so I am screwed and have to surrender to this fucking almighty again. However when I surrender to the Almighty he teachers me things one would never find in a book or that would have ever came from the human or being brain.
I'd rather have that, than a bank account ready to bust. Now an expansive bank account is another story, but a bank account ready to explode is like confetti, it looks good and sounds impressive, but at the end of it all it's just a bunch of pieces of paper.
Have a good day, I hope Arizona beats the shit out of UCLA.
Replies