It is January 2010.I finally made it.Soon it will be 8 months that I lost Brad and i am realizing that Brad planned all of this.Brad was having very severeproblems that he did not talk to me about.He was very,very secretive and he did not celebrate,holidays,anniversarys or birthdays.No matter what is going to happen,I will always love Brad and there will be no one else and i mean it.I dont like to date.It is a trauma to me.Why dont I like to date? Well,number one...i dont have the clothes like i used to.I wear mostly jeans and i dont have any dresses.I dont have any suits.I just have casual stuff and tennis shoes.Brad took care of me for 10 years and i didnt have to work.I had the money to pursue my hobbies and i travelled a lot.I am in the process of reading all my books that I have gotten.I have got at least 50 books that I got at the sale.I also have magazines that I havent read.After they are done...i give them away.i have got no use for them and i love to read.Reading gives me an imagination and I am able to relax.I also love to take care of my cats and they are more important to me then any man.My cats are my friends and no man or woman will ever and i mean ever try to become my friends if they dont like cats.....I also feed the birds! I saw a eagle the other day and when you see an eagle...you problems are going to go away.But people. when I cry...please let me cry.until i go to this support group...i still feel terrible and I hav e to let is out and crying embarrasses you...take a flying leap and go jump in a lake and stay there!