the 7 months and christmas have come and gone.I was really good.but on christmas..i broke down and noone was here except my cats.Brad left me with limited funds and for the past several days.I have been really been a go getter.I will be a Avon representative and i will meet the lady next week.Selling beauty is something I did when i was young and I refuse to become homeless,hungry and poor again.Noone knows what it is like to be homeless.you are treated like dirt here and everyone assumes you are an alcoholic or drug addict.I lost my job in the 1990s and I couldnt find another one.L lost everything in 1996 and that was then year that I met Brad.He was just so handsome and funny then and i should have known.Nooone told me that he was a full blown alcoholic with no ambitions to hold a steady job.The years together when Brad wastn drinking wasnt all that bad.We did things as a couple.We shopped every sunday.We went camping and we went on a cross country trip.He was on his best behaviour then and now all I have is bend up rage.Brad did not tell me of his problems.Most men do not.They think it is macho to go to work and play football but when it comes to problems...you are screwed.I have saved from the cruise that Brad was suppose to take with me so I have funds for quite some time.But noone and i mean noone should go what I have go through.I mean finding your boyfriends nude body on the grass in the yard and I will say this....it was one of the most horrible days of my life.So all of you happy go lucky people do me a favor...please zip it....I dont need your advice.You were not there.You havent been in the house.You havent helped me clean.Noone has helped mem and it shows that people today dont know what to say,or do...but suppose it was Oprah Winifrey? Dont you think she would get cards? I mean what has this woman done? I mean it! I am not a fan and never will be.I also dont like Tyra Banks.These women dont speak for me.I used to make 5.00 an hour and i must find a job now to pay 3 times as that.In order to survive in seattle,you need 15.00 and hour and where can i get this doing part time work? No where. I cant work full time nomore.I am on ssdi.I am also hearing impaired.I dont hear well and because of the budget cuts....here I cant get resonable hearing aids.So I am trying to do things I know how to do..like babysit and dog walk.There dont have any jobs at this present moment.And for anyone who is thinking of committing suicide.Dont.The survivors like myself are forced to clean up your mess and I am beginning to resent it.