I made a very painful decision today and it has been weighing on my heart.It has been in my soul for quite some time..and the decision is this..I am not going back to the choir and I will never sing again.The reason for this is because my landlord is having problems with his mortgage.My granddaddy taught me never to start something and then go back and forth and we are waiting to see if we still have got a lease.We are on month to month now and the tension is unbelievable..but Brad and I are getting along better..He is even helping me pay some of the bills.I always wanted to do a recital.but there is noone here in seattle that likes Opera.I get opera news and I have got some of the pieces..but i have got no teacher and I cant afford 55.00 an hour! I always wanted to be a famous singer..but in 1962...I had several of many tragedies and I promised my late father and grandfather never to speak of them except in counceling.I have had a wonderful father and I went to several places.I have seen Coopertown...the library of JFK and FDR.I have had wonderful nieces and nooone knows what happened.Frank never knew because it would have killed him and then I would be in jail for murder because when you do this...and you intently upset some like Frank and you  go on about it...it gives way to high blood pressure and I couldnt do this.I won a gift card to best buy and I got a cd player.I also got cool cds and one of them is The greatest hits of Guns N Roses.It breaks my heart not to sing again..but I will be very honest.In 1962...when this happened.it caused a great deal of stress in my family and it broke my fathers heart.I am bi-polar and noone wants me around and people do not know what it means..I dont want to go where I am not wanted and people here tend to feel sorry for me..but they dont have to.I have got several people that I write to and I write columnns everyday under an assumed name..but the goal of singing i will never do and I also realize that I will never be a CEO.I will never have a jet like Oprah.I will never have a condo and I will never have one of these adorable dogs..I am a working stiff for this I am proud.But singing again is out of the question because this house may be in foreclosure soon...and we are looking for a new place to live...and none will know because my grandfather taught me..Italian women dont tell their business and I have never have..except to my case manager.