So it's Wednesday and I'm still depressed and feeling hopeless.  You know what the weirdest part is?  My eating disorder really isn't front and center at all right now.  I am grateful for that! And speaking of grateful...  I will never, ever, ever again take all that I have in life for granted.  I had so much back home - and I didn't even have gratitude for it. God, my kids, two jobs, a nice place to live, my family, my health, my independence.  What I wouldn't do to have all of that back now?  Sigh....I need to work hard on being grateful for what I DO have right now though.  I still have my cat Hokey, lol!  That, for me - is huge.  He brings me comfort.  And - I still have God even though I've kicked Him around and denied Him for years.  I think I've managed to break almost all of the commandments actually.  How does one even begin to atone for that?  Do I just find a church and walk in?  Do I need to meet with a priest or whatever?  Maybe I will write to Erica's mom.  I'm worried that I'm not "good enough" to go to a church.  Weird, huh?  And - I still have you guys.  Thank you.