Have been in a funk lately and can't climb out, don't even know for sure what i feel. lost i guess. Being home alone everyday with all the memories is hard. I went to work with hubby on mon. it was nice to do something different, even if i am still feeling it. I am having strong desires to change big things like move, get job, and yes even running off alone to try to get away from this, i know it wil follow no matter what but am still having strong desires. My counsler says i am still in denial because i haven't told Suzette goodbye and because having her here in an urn makes it to easy to still talk to her like she's still here, i think party of me is pondering how right she may be, in a way. No i will never say goodbye to her at most it will be see ya later when i am ready. I feel like saying goodbye is saying i think it's ok she's gone. Whether she's here in an urn or ast a cemetary in a plot does not change that i talk to her anywhere in the house, not just at her urn, the only thing it does is allow me to carress her urn as i tell her good morning and goodnite.  I am just so lost again it seems i will never figure it all out, counsler says i need to let go, i say i need to learn to live with it ......  I am sorry i have not been sending hugs and comments but i have been reading journals even if i don't comment, I just can't, and i feel like what can i say that hasn't already been said, i know it's ok to repeat and i have but this funk is just weird, thought i would be able to take off this mask more being by myself but it seems i don't know how to take it off. I don't know just weird lately.   I am thinking of you all and sending mental hugs to all.  luv and hugs