well I made it through yesterday they didn't go as crazy with it as i was afraid, I am just not used to having things done for me. I am trying to stay positive for the weekend coming and may still be numb enough to pull it off. Did some cleaning and laundry today, still waiting on my hutch to come in it's been nearly 5 weeks and they origanally said 3, I'm rfrustrated with them. I am still debating going to graduation, I don't know why i feel i should be there but i do, and am afraid i will regret not going later, they're not doing anything for her aat ceramony and will give us her diploma when it is ready, but i still feel a need to be there, I think it is partly because i was supposed to be there and am feeling cheated. I have to go to town tommorow, hate being around people-they either don't know what to say but try or avoid me all together, I am getting used to being avoided though, even my best friend of 24 yrs seems to avoid-she is in illinois and we used to talk almost everyday by phone or computer and now it's every once in a while and when we do talk it's short not hours like before maybe 5-10 min. I miss her. I guess i'm just feeling sorry of all the things this has changed in my life. One thing, i read some of the newer moms journals and can still feel those first feeling ect... but realize i am progressing and while i hate that these new moms have to be here it helps me to see i am progressing in this new life i must lead. Thanks to everyone on here I just can't even begin to find the words, I don't think i would have made it this far without you all.