Did not mean to send above yet.  Well from above journal I don't know why Im afraid to succeed but a interesting thing happened last night. I called my dearest friend that lives in Vegas she has a serious food addiction and has completey turned her life around so proud of her. So I told her everything about my drinking and she said I always know you had a drinking problem. When I asked her why you never told me she said with wise words IT WAS NOT MY PLACE, if you don't admit it to yourself and only listen to people around you will never make the change.  My friend said that I am a happy drunk, never drive or harm anyone had you done any of those I may have said something.  Tears went down my face because she is the one friend that does not judge and is truly sunchanged a beautiful person.  m friend said what I recommend to you is don't have 1. I don't know why but I felt a warmth over my body as tears rolled down, very spiritual. So I start today wth love for myself and in loving myself will take care of this body so I start again but not scared this time and feel it's going to be ok