confused......

so April 23 came and it went and i still have no idea what to think or feel,  the actual day turned out really diffrent from what i was expecting. when i woke up i was entirly expecting to feel the same dead weight, and dread that had been comsuming me for the past couple of days preceding april 23. but instead when i woke up i felt a strange sence of reliefe.... honestly i was half expecting not to even wake up on that day. i almost didnt want to, but i did. so i got up, i was on time for school for the first time in over two weeks. and then i had asked my boyfriend if he could come into town on that day cause i knew how hard it would be for me and i wanted to make sure i had some distractions from my thoughts. so after school i walked to his dads house and we had some fun there ;)  its so weird, after that day i've felt so much lighter..... my unhealthy obssetion with this deasese has lessened a little. i dont know how to explian it. its like i finaly found some sort of twisted sence of closer..... i know that its not over, but i feel stronger.  i feel strong and in love. i'm still not happy but i'm getting there agin. i feel more like me than i have in a long time. its frightning, redescovering myself after over a year of only ever thinking and worrying about my mom  and her problems. i feel like i can finaly breath if that makes any sence.