i went to the doctors today. had an appointment to see if i could get a referal to see a theripist. i'm still not sure how i feel about it though. the appointment was a lot harder than i thought it would be, i went in there determiand not to cry, i was going to stay calm cool collected. well that was all for shit. i broke down the moment the nurse asked me why i was there. i could barley talk. i tryed so hard to keep my cool but i just couldnt do it. i guess the way i look at it is that if i am actualy going to the doctor to try and get some counsaly its like finaly admiting that something is wrong, that i just couldnt handal it, that i lost. i hate admiting defeat and right ot wrong thats really the way i see it. i dont care how screwed up that is. i couldnt even talk about my mom, oh and the 'funny' thing is that my doctor, her dad was bipolar to. OMG the disease is stalking me. no joke in my sicence class we had to do disease reports and just guess what disease i picked. yeah it was not my smartest move, but i got through, i was able to get though my oral report without breaking down and on the bright side i was forced to find out more about bipolar disorder wich i sposse is a good thing. im really not sure if i would have been brave enough to check out books about it other wise. but seriously i just finished that project on monday and guess what i was just assigned in english. i have to write a narrative from the point of veiw of someone with a mental illness. HA guess which one i was assigned to. seriously i'm being stalked by this disease. otherwise i had a realy good day, i got to see my boyfriend for the first time in over two weeks and we had a good time. god i hate all this long distance stuffanyways yeah my mom seems to be doing well for now, looks like this med might actually work although realisticly its to soon to tell. but we're all praying really hard. everything willl turn out all right, it has to doesnt it??