i feel so tired, all i could think about today was my mom and her last episode. it was so scary. my parents are divorced so when my mom has a manic episode i'm the only one home to deal with it in the begining. its just me and my little sister holly and my 2 year old mom in our little home. .it was the thursday of spring break and i was up pretty early for some reason i cant remember why and i got this phone call. it was from my moms boss and it was about 10ish in the mornign. carly, the boss, was asking me if my mom had gotten home okay. i was surprised when she asked "no shes not home yet is she supposed to be" i had asked. carly siad that my mom had left work early because she wasnt feeling well and that she wanted me to call her when my mom came home. so we hung up and i continued about my day, i wasnt particularly worried about my mom yet, she was pron to just going off places and i had other things on my mind so at about 2:30 i took a nap. the next thing i remember is being shaken awake by my mom, she was asking me something but i cant remember what she was saying. i looked at the clock, it was 3:15ish. where were you today i said. i remember sounding realy annoyed, i hated being woken up. she told me that she had been home all day but of course i knew this was not true. when i pointed this out she asked me if i was sure about 10 times.( when my mom has a manic episode she always askes you if your sure about something a million times) then i noticed that she was acting a little funny, she was realy figgety, she was walking around my room picking stuff up and putting it down and she just couldnt stand still. i swear my heart must have stopped. i can still remember perfectly that moment of pure ungarded fear that consumed me for all of two minutes . and for those two minutes i gave my self over to tears, i knew what was comeing and i knew that i wouldnt have time for tears later. god if i could bottle that one moment of raw emotion i bet i could blow the world to peices with it.it was the second time ever that this had happend when i was alone, i remember thanking god that my little sister holly was at the movies and that she didnt have to see her. but i knew what to do this time, it wasnt like last time when i had no idea what was wrong with my mom, no, this time it had a name. bipolar disoder, and i knew that i had to call my grandma and that i had to somehow get my mom into a bed and make her take a sleeping pill. first i called my grandma. at first i couldnt even get the words out, fear choked me and made words impossible. somehow i eventually told her what was going on and she asked me if she could talk to my mom. i wanted to kill my mom for sounding so normal, i knew what was coming but over the phone she still sounded so 'normal'. when i talked to my grandma agin she asked me if i might be imagening it, i was so angery. i told her that i didnt care what she sounded like, i kew what was coming, my grandma siad that if i was sure then she would come down. i knew i was asking alot, my grandma lives in carson city, NV three hours + away from where i live. god i cant write anymore, i'm so tired.... i'll continue tomorow i think. maybe if i get the whole story out it will start makeing more sence to me, idk i just feel so bad.