i'm so confused, about idk everything i guess. mostly my mom and mostly her diagnosis, which i only just found out about a year ago. which seems dumb to me since i've been the one whos had to deal with her and take care of things since i was nine. i know everyone was just trying to protect me, i am after all only sixteen, but still. i'm a firm beliver that knowing about thing and being able to put a name to something as frightning as bipolar disorder makes it that much less scary. i'm hurting so badly right now, i dont even know were to begin, it feels weird righting in this journal. its like i'm talking to air. but maybe thats what i need right now. my mom has bipolar disorder and it gets realy bad sometimes, like she gets realy manic and has these psycotic episods that i cant even begin to describe. but she had a manic episode two weeks ago and i feel like almost everyones moveing on from it except for me. i feel like i've just been left here to pick up the peices of me that were left behind in the dust. its like everyone expects me to just forget that i had to tie up my own mother with a dogleash because we were afraid that she was going to hurt us. everyone wants me to forget the five hours i spent in the hospital just trying to get her to sleep. i want to forget so badly, but i cant. i want to forgive my mom more than anything but i dont know whats wrong with me. it hurts so much, but this is all to much to put into one journal entrie and i'm starting to lose it so i better end it here. and you know i actualy do feel a little better. i have no idea who will see this or who will care but its like i'm finaly admitting that somethings wrong
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I feel for you, being as young as you are and having to deal with all that you have, my wife is bipolar and we have a son who is 20 and for the last ten years he has run away from all the problems and never has accepted it and won\'t try to help me. I commend you for sticking with your mom and helping her, she needs to know that she has someone by her side, just try to remember that when our loved ones go through this, it\'s not really them, they have lost control and may not even remember what they have done, God knows I remember everything my wife has done in the past ten years of marriage but I can\'t really blame her for that, I blame the disease. anyway sorry so long, keep writing in your journal, it has been the best medicine for me, it\'s a way to get all your thoughts out and it makes you feel better, if you ever need support just hollar, you are not alone, stay strong!