here we go again

Here I go again...another adjustment to my medication. A few weeks ago my Lamictal was increased to 400mg, and it was divided to half at night and half in the morning. Never before had I taken Lamictal in the morning, and I've been on it for over 2 years now. So...I reacted badly. I became angry and irritated to the highest degree that I had ever felt. I got rude and talked back...and I'm not like that. Even as a teenager years ago, I NEVER talked back. And you know how it is...these feelings just pop up from no where, for no reason, and it's extreme. So today I went down to the mental health clinic and I was given permission to go back to taking my entire dosage at night. So...looks like I'll need to go through the whole "adjusting to it" period and I just HOPE that I can handle it. My grandma has been in the hospital for weeks and she had open heart surgery...everything's been emotional for my family. And I just pray and hope that I have no episode. But I am so afraid. Another HUGE problem I have is my own mother. She doesn't respect me and I am a huge disappointment...and if I'm wrong, then I wouldn't believe it; because there's no way she can justify her attitude towards me. And I don't think I'd even want to hear it. Only here can I vent the way I want to...and without regret. I don't have the heart to ever spread around these feelings to all my friends and family. I could never be the cause of any bad reputation that she may get. But I am over weighed with her. She's too strong for me and being that I have this emotional disorder...everything is twice as bad inside. I have no control in my life with her and I should have stayed out of state where I was a few months ago. Texas is my home, born and raised here, and I feel so right here, but my circumstances are not what I need. Wouldn't everyone make the change if they had to?