Not sure I am strong enough to be alone....this is the feeling I cannot shake.  I keep thinking maybe it's not so bad, it's better than being alone.  I know deep down I deserve someone who takes care of me like I will take care of him, but then the lonliness takes over and makes me think at least he was here.  I know, logically, that it will get better, but my heart just feels like it is breaking more each day. The weekends are the worse, dodging questions from people I see at the soccer fields.  Everyone thought we are the perfect family, I am good at making things appear happy, mostly for the children, and I guess I was thinking if I pretend....maybe it will happen. Is wanting an equal, someone to be there for you, someone who will go for a walk with you or a bike ride, just because he knows you enjoy it, is this too much to ask for/want.  Maybe I watched too many Disney movies when I was younger.