um everything is going ok....wish i could cut but i wont. tomorrow i have a date to have sex...i was doing good with not having sex with ppl i hardly knew but i think with not being able to cut this is the only other thing that will help. i can't cut cuz i got a tat. i've really wanted a tat but wouldn't get one till i knew i was done with cutting and i thought i was i was doing so good i didn't want to cut anymore..even with all the shit with my rents i didn't feel the need to cut...i even threw away my cut rag and that is a huge thing for me..so i thought i was all done and i got my tat above my cuts so i could see something beautiful instead of something ugly but whne i got my tat it hurt alot...and it reminded me of cutting...and that started to make me want to cut again so it's been an everyday struggle to not do it. things with my rents are ok i guess idk. i live with my mom and that's good cuz she doesn't talk about my dad and will leave me alone. i hate going over to my dad's cuz he talkes about my mom and alway's tries to get me to make her come over. he like would ask me how living in the apartment is going and i would tell him it's boring cuz it is and he's like you should tell your mom you want to come home cuz it's boring..and last year i had some ppl over to stay after prom and dad was like so are you gonna do that again and mom and i already said that we were and he was like well you can only have ppl stay if your mom is here...he is like joking but not really. i hate that. he alway's tells me how sad and alone he is and how much he misses mom and that anytime he can just talk to her makes his day. i hate hearing that cuz it makes me feel so bad and even more depressed cuz i know and see how much he loves my mom but she doesn't love him like that anymore and idk what to do. i try and be there for him but he just keeps wanting me to answer everything and get them back together and i can't and hearing how sad and depressed he is makes everything on me so much harder. god this is my senior year and everyday i wonder if today will be the day my dad breaks down..my dad has lost 40 lbs..he  hasn't weighed this less since he was in high school...idk how much his body can take...how much is mind can take and it scares me. idk what to do. i feel so helpless.